Monday, March 7, 2011

RECESSION, MONEY AND BREAD LINES



The Recession 


The Recession hits everybody.....

If you get a YEN for Chinese food—they Control IT & The Dollar.

Get used to Small Doorways: New Chinese Proverb.


Confucius say: WE WON. Who’s raffing now?


There are Scuba Divers in every Wishing well……wait for it……


Charlie Sheen has only 1 Goddess!


Money doesn’t grow on tress…not since the Great Wall St. ROUNDUP of '09….wait for it. See—they sprayed the Mone….. never mind.


I’m calling the DO NOT CALL LIST people and asking for money! Hey—that’s funny right there…..


Double Jeopardy is only a Legal Term.
 

I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.

Wives are having sex with their husbands because they can't afford batteries.

CEO's are now playing miniature golf.

Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.

A stripper was killed when her audience showered her with rolls of pennies while she danced.

I saw a Mormon polygamist with only one wife.
 

If the bank returns your check marked "Insufficient Funds," you call them and ask if they meant you or them.


I just opened a Free Checking Account for $25.00!


$5.00 Balance—The: “You can only VISIT it at the ATM amount”!


The phrase “If I had a Nickel for every….” Is now a Punch line for the Rich! 

McDonald's is selling the 1/4 ouncer.

Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America ..

Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children's names.

My cousin had an exorcism but couldn't afford to pay for it, and they re-possessed her!

A truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico.

A picture is now only worth 200 words.

When Bill and Hillary travel together, they now have to share a room.

The Treasure Island casino in Las Vegas is now managed by Somali pirates.


And, finally...

I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc., I called the Suicide Hot-line. I got a call center in Pakistan, and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck.
 

OK—So I’m looking into this one!