ZEN SARCASM
1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me the hell alone.
2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.
3. Its always darkest before dawn, so if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
4. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
5. Always remember that you're unique, just like everyone else.
6. Never test the depth of the water with both feet
7. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
8. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
9. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
11. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
12. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
13. Some days you're the bug; some days you're the windshield.
14. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
15. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
16. A closed mouth gathers no foot.
17. Duct tape is like 'The Force,' it has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
18. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
19. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.
20. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
21. Never miss a good chance to shut up.
22. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night
LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!I may need llung surgery but I think I may get a second opinion first.....
ReplyDeleteha-ha-ha-ha ! :) Those were great, John !!!!
ReplyDeleteLeft you huge 'thank-you's' on my blog today for all of your wonderful and consistent commenting !
Hope that you have a great Labor Day weekend !
*Cyber hugs and smiles*
Loving Annie
These are great... you rock john.
ReplyDeleteHow you feeling?
PS mail me that hat ~~~~~> The braves one there so that I can curve the bill for you gosh john it's all farmer joe.
ReplyDeletekaylee- we all hope and pray you do well- keep us posted!!!
ReplyDeleteJohn and the gang.
annie!!! No Problem mi Lady! Always enjoy the visits and the latest on Mark!!! How is new Kitty doing?? Introduced him/her to Flopsy yet? That will be a cool dynamic and I can;t wait to see what kind of tude Cattatude- either one of them cops--please let me know- I'm fascinated by Pu--Cats!! We have one Mom who is about ready to bring her babies out from under the house. She usually only has two- she is so small- two that make it anyway. We will have her fixed and depending on the litter- may bring the others in.
So we will have Hope the 85 lb Bitch Farting Lab- Doc- the almost 18 lb Stud male Cat- and Faith- aka Cheeto Head cause he has an Orange glow down his back like someone eating Cheetos petted Him.- He's a few months younger than Doc- and is actually the Son of the Calico that is Under the house that we are going to bring in. He has the most awesome temperament of any Cat I've ever known. He weighs in at a small Velvety 5-6 lbs and has a coaut to die for. I'm thinking of making a Hat out of him! NOT! No Peta chit please!!!!- Only kidding!!!!!
COLLEGE FOOTBALL IS HERE_ GO SEC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Poopsie- OK--But if there is any charge you will have to PUT IT ON MY BILL----AHHHAAAA HAAAA... OK so it wasn't that funny. I used to bend em when I played but like you said- that's just my Red Neck "Dress Hat" LOL
I'm feeling great!! Thanks for axinn! BTW- I'm having those paint peeler Farts you talked about- you think I'm preggars??? My dog won't even lay by me--I call her and she just growls!!!!! And she can run a skunk out the room!! Ol- Bitch- LOL. She is come to think of it! My dog--not my wife!
I'm feeling so good the last couple of days - I'm beside myself. Sup John--Nuttin honey! Will be starting a new site soon that you can link to from here- Love to have ya visit and if it floats your boat stop by- if not- this one will still be here and maybe you know someone who would benefit from the other one!
Love to all- Have a Super Labor Day weekend- I'll be Laboring- OH and I got my hours extended to go back to working 4-- 10's after seeing the Cardiologist Monday!!(Was 4- 8's)
Not gonna do any more 12's- and I think I'm going to start back into Nursing Classes. We'll see!
John
Okay i will be sure too:P
ReplyDeletethanks grat that you can work more :)
ReplyDeletegreat sorry m tired
ReplyDeleteHi John, I found your site via Loving Annie's. Thanks for a good laugh!
ReplyDeleteThese are fantastic. The first one is perfect. "Just leave me the hell alone!" LOL
ReplyDeleteReminds me of my "Jesus Loves You..." post.
QUILTY-
ReplyDeletetHANKS FOR STOPPING BY!!! aNY FRIEND OF aNNIE----WELL FRANKLY NEEDS THERAPY! lol---pLEASE COME BACK BACK- aNNIE IS ONE CLASS ACT!
jOHN
OOPS- CAPS LOCK AGAIN!
GUILTY-
ReplyDeleteGuilty- sew (Bad pun) I called you Quilty! But seriously thanks for visiting and plaes check back as a new Brothjer or other site will be opening soon. Split personality here!
John
ALL are welcome to new site- No Judgements passed- just truth Love and maybe a little Gas.