Sunday, September 30, 2007

8 WORDS WITH DUAL MEANINGS


1. THINGY (thing-ee) n.
Female...... Any part under a car's hood.
Male..... The strap fastener on a woman's bra.

2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
Female.... Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.
Male.... Playing football without a cup.

3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n.
Female... The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner.
Male... Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip with the boys.

4. COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n.
Female.... A desire to get married and raise a family.
Male...... Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one.

5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.
Female.... A good movie, concert, play or book.
Male...... Anything that can be done while drinking beer.

6. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.
Female.... An embarrassing byproduct of indigestion.
Male...... A source of entertainment, self-expression, male bonding.

7. MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.
Female...... The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve..
Male.. Call it whatever you want, just as long as we do it.

8. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
Female.... A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
Male... A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5 minutes.


CONTINUING FULL-ON FORWARD

Hi everyone,

I would like to take just a second and thank all of you who have ever stopped by and commented and that have given me support over the past several months. As a lot of you know I started Blogging to journal my daily "Life Events" as they applied to me spiritually- which I had been doing in notebooks off and on for 20 plus years.

Sorry about the -especially the wonderful people I met through this medium. It is now time that I start truly Blogging for the reason I started to in the first place. I'm just not sure if I should keep Full-on Forward open for a while-or completely change it over to my Christian Roots- and daily devotional blog etc.

I have known for some tome that I needed to "clean up my act, so to speak and Blog from my heart. I can't do both- God's Word says you can't serve God and Mammon- and Mammon does not just apply to money. It is any worldly possession that puts any distance between my heart and seeking to Know God personally in a deeper and more meaningful way.

I have neglected myself, and most importantly my wife- in the time I spent on Blogging- just for the attention. And I owe that much to my mate and my Lord as well as myself.

I feel much more fulfilled and at peace when I have things in the correct order. So I'm going to post a first ever bible study on Shhh- God's Talking and then decide whether to clean this one up a bit and continue posting some or just delete it altogether. Even though I kinda wanted this journey through life to be FULL-ON FORWARD-- with God.

I know that most do not want to be preached at and that is not my intent. I'm just gong to post positive messages and stories, quotes etc- and yes with still the same craziness but with an outcome of Growing deeper in fellowship with God and thereby strengthening my relationship with others by trying to improve my character, work ethic, responsibilities at home etc.

I can truly say I love each and every one of you and there is not one judgemental bone in my body and I will still try to make the rounds to visit. I can just see that it will probably take me in a different direction time wise. Any thoughts or suggestions are welcomed- but I really feel strongly about this and there are certain things I will not be able to post, read or participate in as I have in the past.

Am I too GOOD FOR IT? NO- a resounding NO- But my Lord is!! And He lives inside me and is Changing me and I must take a stand based on that! I'm certainly never going to preach or condemn anyone in anyway unless it is by complete accident or sheer stupidity. I have too many faults, too much baggage and a whole boat load of logs in my own self to start pointing out stuff in other people.

But I do have a gift and some basic knowledge learned over 25 years and it has worked for me and many many other people of like faith, mind and Spirit, have found Peach, Love, Jot, Rest and most of all FORGIVENESS of and from SIN that the DEVIL has lied and kept them under for far to long!!!!!!!!!!.

I am truly sorry if I offended anyone with my lack of taste in some jokes and most- (most-LOL) of my posts even if they were meant in fun and not specifically targeted to embarrass anyone. Please just know that I would love to have you swing by- even if just to say high, and as I tweak the Blog- (if it even lasts that long) there will be many different formats and approaches to learning, studying about God, His Word, Faith, Salvation etc. Also a lot of self help materials and references on depression, suicide- (I'll probably do that one last- LOL), Communication skills, Discipleship classes, how to study the Bible etc. The posts or Blogs will be deleted!!!

I certainly don't claim to be a bible scholar by any means, but I do know beyond all shadow of a doubt that this is what God is leading me and intended for me to do all along. I even wasted the first few months by fighting it this long. Except I really don't think it was wasted, because- because of you I learned to Blog, Post, EVERTHING and you gave me the encouragement and confidence t get it done.

OK- rambling over Thanks so much everyone and I'll dedice which blog to keep open and which one to close etc. I'll probably post ocassionally on Full-On for a bit, but I guess I'l start the biblr study on Shhh-God's Talimg.

Love to you all,

John McElveen
john.mcelveen@yahoo.com

Saturday, September 29, 2007

7 WONDERS OF THE WORLD,,,,,

PLEASE VISIT SHHH-GOD'S TALKING FOR MORE ON MY CHRISTIAN BLOG.....

ENJOY THE VIDEO- IT'S POWERFUL. PUSH PLAY BUTTON TO START.


video

Friday, September 28, 2007

OBITUARY: THE DEATH OF COMMON SENSE

OBITUARY OF A DEAR FRIEND


Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Mr. Common Sense.

Mr. Sense had been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how
old he was since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic
red
tape.

He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons such
as knowing when to come in out of the rain, why the early bird gets the
worm and that life isn't always fair.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend
more than you earn) and reliable parenting strategies (adults, not
kids,
are in charge).

His health began to rapidly deteriorate when well intentioned but
overbearing regulations were set in place - Reports of a six-year-old
boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens
suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher
fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

Mr. Sense declined even further when schools were required to get
parental consent to administer Tylenol to a student; but could not
inform
the
parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Finally, Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments
became contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received
better
treatment than their victims.

Common Sense finally gave up the ghost after a woman failed to realize
that a steaming cup of coffee was hot, she spilled a bit in her lap,
and was awarded a huge financial settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust;
his wife Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason.

He is survived by two stepbrothers; My Rights and Ima Whiner.

Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone.

If you still remember him, pass this on; if not, join the majority and do nothing.


SOME THINGS THAT WERE ATTRIBUTED TO HIM:


1. He who jumps off a bridge in Paris is in Seine.


2. A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.


3. Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.


4. Practice safe eating - always use condiments.


5. Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.


6. A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.


7. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.


8. Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.


9. Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?


10. Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.


11. Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.


12. When two egoists meet, it's an I for an I.


13. A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two tired.


14. Definition of a will: A dead give away.


15. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.


16. In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism your count votes.


17. She was engaged to a boyfriend with a wooden leg but broke it off.


18. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.


19. If you don't pay your exorcist, do you get repossessed?


20. With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.


21. When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.


22. The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.


23. You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.


24. Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under.


25. Every calendar's days are numbered.


26. A lot of money is tainted - It taint yours and it taint mine.


27. A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.


28. A midget fortune-teller who escapes from prison is a small medium
at
large.


29. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the
end.


30. Once you've seen one shopping centre, you've seen a mall.


31. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.


32. Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.


33. Acupuncture is a jab well done

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

EBONICS

Today's Ebonics word from the New Orleans Public School System:

OMELET

Let's use it in a sentence: "I should pop yo ass fo what you jus did, but omelet dis one slide."

Friday, September 21, 2007

DANCING WITH GOD

DANCING WITH GOD


When I meditated on the word Guidance, I kept seeing "dance" at the end of the word. I remember reading that doing God's will is a lot like dancing.

When two people try to lead, nothing feels right. The movement doesn't flow with the music, and everything is quite uncomfortable and jerky. When one person realizes that, and lets the other lead, both bodies begin to flow with the music. One gives gentle cues, perhaps with a nudge to the back or by pressing Lightly in one direction or another. It's as if two become one body, moving beautifully. The dance takes surrender, willingness, and attentiveness from one person and gentle guidance and skill from the other.

My eyes drew back to the word Guidance. When I saw "G: I thought of God, followed by "u" and "i". "God, "u" and "i" dance." God, you, and I dance. As I lowered my head, I became willing to trust that I would get guidance about my life. Once again, I became willing to let God lead. My prayer for you today is that God's blessings and mercies be upon you on this day and everyday. May you abide in God as God abides in you. Dance together with God, trusting God to lead and to guide you through each season of your life.

This prayer is powerful and there is nothing attached. If God has done anything for you in your life, please share this message with someone else, for prayer is one of the best gifts we can receive. There is no cost but a lot of rewards; so let's continue to pray for one another.

ADULT CARTOONS- NOT REALLY!




BUMPER STICKERS

Some new ones .......SOME OLD ONES

IF YOU CAN'T FEED EM,
DON'T BREED EM!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Constipated People Don't Give A Crap.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You Can Read This, I've Lost My Trailer.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Horn Broken... Watch For Finger.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Earth Is Full - Go Home.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I Have The Body Of A God - Buddha.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
So Many Pedestrians - So Little Time.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Cleverly Disguised As A Responsible Adult.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If We Quit Voting, Will They All Go Away?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Illiterate? Write For Help .
~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Honk If Anything Falls Off.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Cover Me, I'm Changing Lanes.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
He Who Hesitates Not Only Is Lost,
But is Miles From The Next Exit.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I Refuse To Have A Battle Of Wits
With An Unarmed Person.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I Do Whatever My Rice Krispies Tell Me To.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Fight Crime: Shoot Back!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(The following bumper sticker was Seen Upside Down On A Jeep)

If You Can Read This,
Please Flip Me Back Over...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Stop Lights Timed For 35 mph
Also Are Timed For 70 mph

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Guys: No Shirt, No Service
Gals: No Shirt, No Charge

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Body By Nautilus; Brain By Mattel.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Boldly Going Nowhere.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Caution - Driver Legally Blonde.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Heart Attacks: God's Revenge
For Eating His Animal Friends
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
How Many Roads Must A Man Travel Down Before He
Admits He is Lost?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
All Men Are Animals; Some Just Make Better Pets.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
AND Lastly:
"POLITICIANS & DIAPERS
BOTH NEED TO BE CHANGED,
AND FOR THE SAME REASON"


Wednesday, September 19, 2007

CHUCKLES- DON'T FORGET THE TELEMARKETER IN POST BELOW- TO GOOD TO MISS!!!

YOU KNOW YOU ARE LIVING IN 2007

WHEN...





1. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries.





2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.



3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three.



4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.



5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't have e-mail addresses.



6. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.



7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen.



8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) y ears of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it.




10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your coffee.


11. You're reading this and nodding and laughing.


12. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message.


13. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.


14. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this list.


AND NOW U R LAUGHING at yourself. Go on, forward this to your friends. You know you want to!! And Yes, I was laughing and I did scroll back to see that there wasn't a #9

STOP TELEMARKETERS-- FOREVER!!!!!

This is absofreakinglutely hilarious!!!!!

Click on link and enjoy!!! Oh- if you just wait- the transcript of the call will scroll with the call- it's a few seconds behind so don't get antsy- just let it catch up with the call----it's really worth the time guys and gals- this is a good one- I promise! (Some mild language)

http://www.maniacworld.com/Best-Telemarketer-Prank-Ever.html


PS: Prediction- Hammer will be so all over this- I'm almost willing to wager he will seriously think about doing it or something like it- OR he already has!! LOL

Tha'ts a Compliment by the way Hammer!!!! LOL!

John

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

RED NECK PICK-UP LINES

I PROMISE THIS IS THE "ONE" GROSS POST OF THE MONTH!!!!!!!!



1) Did you fart? cuz you just blew me away.

2) Are yer parents retarded? cuz ya sure are special.

3) My Love fer you is like diarrhea, I can't hold it in.

4) Do you have a library card? cuz I'd like to check you out.

5) Is there a mirror in yer pants? cuz I can see myself in em.

6. If you were a tree and I was a squirrel I'd store my N___ in your hole.
6a. John's correction) If you were a squirrel I'd wish you were a Beaver.... no that's not any better---my bad, oh well I tried.

7) You might not be the best lookin girl here, but beauty's only a light switch away.

8) FatPenguin...................Sorry, I just wanted to say something that would break the ice.

9) I know I'm not no Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make yer bed-rock.

10) I can't find my puppy, can you help me find him? I think he went into this cheap motel room.

11) Yer eyes are as blue as window cleaner.

12) If yer gunna regret this in the mornin', we kin sleeptil' afternoon.

And .... the best for last!
13) Yer face reminds me of a wrench, every time I think of it my nuts tighten up.
13a.John's correction- Could you pass me the W-D 40....my ....no, no- tha's not gonna work either.... so I'll just let the apologies stand!!!!

I absolutely LOVE #7 and I apologize profusely for #'s 6 & 13-

You know--some things are better left unposted! But I hate censoring myself.

Monday, September 17, 2007

A MUST SEE!!!!! BIKES!!!-----or YIKES

video
Yeah- Yeah I could do that--yeah that's it--I Invented BMX bikes- yeah- I dated the girl who's dad made that trail- yeah that's the ticket!!!

Signed,

John Lovitz Sat Night Live as The Liar!

Sunday, September 16, 2007

WENT TO THEME PARTY- ORIGINAL PUERTO RICAN

Went to a Puerto Rican theme party last pm with my Beatiful wife to one of our UC Doctors hose. They met while she practiced in Puerto Rico. It was awesome awesome awesome. Learned the Meringue (Lemon PIE) lol and some basic Salsa steps. Dip chip in Salsa step back eat chip step forward grab and dip chip step back repeat and twirl!

Had the first alcohol to touch my lips in 15 years. An orange juice, liquer (Not sure of the name- to give it some Kick and Champagne. Then I made myself a Bourbon neat from some High Brow AWESOME Bourbon with a cork in it! My stuff used to be good when it was

1. Aged on the Truck.....and

2. Oh Yessss! Tuesday the 14th--- That was an awesome week!!! For Wine!!

3. Screw Caps

Oh yeah-- I used the most phenomenal mechanical corkscrew, and in typical BUBBA Fashion- like the Old ones I was used too I put the bottle between my legs to pull the cork. This was so high tech all you had to do was twist "something" and I felt an excruciating pain. Bottle still corked--John less one Testicle. OK OK- so it didn't happen, but it was close and it DID flash through my mind- so I handed it gently to our host politely saying, "Oh, no no- please-- YOU do the honors!"

Anyway it was awesome:

MENU

1. Pinchos- meat on a stick (snicker)- hey- that's what the invite said!!! It was AWESOME as were all the foods and the decorations. One of the nicest party's I've ever been too- Truly
2. Arroz manposteao (rice and beans mix) results- (el poots!- sorry)
3. Amarillos (fried sweet plantains) cooked itty bitty nanners!- not to be confused with Armadillos' another Fla, Texas roadkill fav!
4. Tostones (fried green plantains) turned out we didn't have these- too close to Fried Green Maters! Tomatoes for those of you North of Virginny!
5. Asopao (chicken & rice soup)- now truthfully I was a bit worried about this being Chicken A__ Soup!!! But I was ASS ured it was and did involve the HOLE chicken. I'm sorry y'all I'm trying to be good- honest I am- since Shhhh, is going so well- it's like the Devi Made me Do This!
6. Tembleque (coconut dessert) several other desserts as well as several meats not mention- Some sausage and some meatballs!!!
7. Veggie trays...nuts....chips, dips, and Liquor.
8. Liquor
9. Did I mention Liquor?

The host has also bought on Pay per View the South Carolina vs. South Carolina State game for those who wanted to watch it on about a 10x10 wall. Projector baby! Full theater type room!!!!! Nice seating with two giant pill shaped beanbags that I swear were Dolly Parton's next implants- and He also did his own original artwotk in Oils and acrylics! Just an absolutely grat time for two homebodys!!!!

Saturday, September 15, 2007

ONE OF MY ALLTIME FAVORITE QUOTES AND I FINALLY FOUND IT


FLOWERS IN DROUGHT- NATURE FIGHTS BACK!!!!

We the Willing

Led by the Unknowing

Are doing the Impossible

For the Ungrateful



We Have Done So Much

For So Long

That We Can Now Do

Everything With Nothing

Friday, September 14, 2007

THE WIZARD/ THE DRYING OF THE POND











THE CONTINUED EVAPORATION OF THE POND


We are supposed to get between 1 and 3 inches of rain today. Our little pond with the snakes has shrunk to a mud puddle- see before and today Pics! It's so dry- there are Mushrooms growing there now! Don't forget to read the little joke after the pics and visit Shhh_God's Talking!


The Alabama preacher said to his congregation,"Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan. This is a horrible lie and one which a Christian community cannot tolerate. I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now, I want the party who did this to stand and ask forgiveness from God and this Christian Family."

No one moved. The preacher continued, "Do you have the nerve to face me and admit this is a falsehood? Remember, you will be forgiven and in your heart you will feel glory. Now stand and confess your transgression."

Again all was quiet.

Then slowly, a drop-dead gorgeous blonde with a body that would stop traffic rose from the third pew. Her head was bowed and her voice quivered as she spoke, "Reverend there has been a terrible misunderstanding. I never said you were a member of the Ku Klux Klan. I simply told a couple of my friends that you were a wizard under the sheets."

The preacher fell to his knees, his wife fainted, and the congregation roared!

THIS IS EXACTLY THE TYPE OF STUFF YOU WILL NOT FIND- AT SHHH- God's Talking.

Thursday, September 13, 2007

GROWING OLDER

A GOOD FRIEND SENT THIS TO ME FROM WORK--- A LITTLE CORNY SOUNDING AT FIRST---BUT JUST TAKE A FEW SECONDS TO REALLY THINK ABOUT EACH "POINT" AND LET YOUR MIND TAKE IT A LITTLE FURTHER DOWN THE RABBIT HOLE AND SEE WHAT YOU END UP WITH.

WE ARE ETERNAL- THIS IS JUST A SHORT VISIT IN A LIFE'S JOURNEY- (my thoughts)- SO WHO'S TO SAY WE NEED TO LOSE AND NOT USE OUR YOUTH ALL THE WAY TO THAT DOORWAY WE CALL DEATH???????


The other day a young person asked me how I felt about being old. I was taken aback, for I do not think of myself as old. Upon seeing my reaction, she was immediately embarrassed, but I explained that it was an interesting question, and I would ponder it, and let her know.



Old Age, I decided, is a gift.



I am now, probably for the first time in my life, the person I have always wanted to be. Oh, not my body! I sometime despair over my body, the wrinkles, the baggy eyes, and the sagging butt. And often I am taken aback by that old person that lives in my mirror (who looks like my mother!), but I don't agonize over those things for long.



I would never trade my amazing friends, my wonderful life, my loving family for less gray hair or a flatter belly. As I've aged, I've become more kind to myself, and less critical of myself. I've become my own friend.


I don't chide myself for eating that extra cookie, or for not making my bed, or for buying that silly cement gecko that I didn't need, but looks so avante garde on my patio. I am entitled to a treat, to be messy, to be extravagant.


I have seen too many dear friends leave this world too soon; before they understood the great freedom that comes with aging.



Whose business is it if I choose to read or play on the computer until 4 AM and sleep until noon?



I will dance with myself to those wonderful tunes of the 60&70's, and if I, at the same time, wish to weep over a lost love ... I will.



I will walk the beach in a swim suit that is stretched over a bulging body, and will dive into the waves with abandon if I choose to, despite the pitying glances from the jet set.



They, too, will get old.



I know I am sometimes forgetful. But there again, some of life is just as well forgotten And I eventually remember the important things.



Sure, over the years my heart has been broken. How can your heart not break when you lose a loved one, or when a child suffers, or even when somebody's beloved pet gets hit by a car? But broken hearts are what give us strength and understanding and compassion. A heart never broken is pristine and sterile and will never know the joy of being imperfect.



I am so blessed to have lived long enough to have my hair turning gray, and to have my youthful laughs be forever etched into deep grooves on my face. So many have never laughed, and so many have died before their hair could turn silver.



As you get older, it is easier to be positive. You care less about what other people think. I don't question myself anymore. I've even earned the right to be wrong.





So, to answer your question, I like being old. It has set me free. I like the person I have become. I am not going to live forever (IN THIS BODY), but while I am still here, I will not waste time lamenting what could have been, or worrying about what will be. And I shall eat dessert every single day. (If I feel like it)





MAY OUR FRIENDSHIP NEVER COME APART ESPECIALLY WHEN IT'S STRAIGHT FROM THE HEART!

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

STOOPID STUFF

Now that food has replaced sex in my life,
I can't even get into my own pants.

Marriage changes passion.
Suddenly you're in bed with a relative.

I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it.
So I said "Implants?"
She hit me.

How come we choose from just two people to run for
president and over fifty for Miss America?

A good friend will come and bail you out of jail.
A true friend will be sitting next to you saying, "Wow...that was fun!"


I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting
clothing. If I'd HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed
up in the first place!

When I was young we used to go "skinny dipping".
Now I just "chunky dunk."

Don't argue with an idiot.
People watching may not be able to tell the difference.

Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply
press Ctrl-Alt-Delete and start all over?

Why is it that our children can't read a Bible in school, but they can
in prison?

Wouldn't you know it, brain cells die every day.
But FAT cells live forever!!

Why do I have to swear on the Bible in court when the Ten Commandments
cannot be displayed outside?

Bumper sticker of the year:
"If you can read this, thank a teacher and, since it's in English,
thank a soldier!!"

And remember, life is like a roll of toilet paper.
The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.

Monday, September 10, 2007

OLDIES BUT GOODIES-




ACTUAL SENTENCES FOUND IN PATIENTS' HOSPITAL CHARTS


01. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.

02. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

03. On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared.

04. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.

05. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.

06. Discharge status: Alive but without my permission.

07. Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year old male, mentally alert but forgetful.

08. The patient refused autopsy.

09. The patient has no previous history of suicides.

10. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.

11. Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.

12. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

13. Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.

14. Since she can't get pregnant with her husband, I thought you might like to work her up.

15. She is numb from her toes down.

16. While in ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.

17. The skin was moist and dry.

18. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.

19. Patient was alert and unresponsive.

20. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.

21. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.

22. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.

23. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.

24. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.

25. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

26. The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as stock broker instead.

27. Skin: somewhat pale but present.

28. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.

29. Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Blank, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.

30. Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.

31. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.

Sunday, September 9, 2007

BLOG LINK FIXED






THE LINK TO THE NEW BLOG- SHHH---GOD'S TALKING! IN THE POST BELOW HAS BEEN CORRECTED AND SHOULD LINK TO THE BLOG. HERE IS THE LINK AGAIN IF YOU'D LIKE TO DROP BY OR ADD IT TO YOUR FAVORITES.

SHHH----GOD'S TALKING


I AM GOING TO TRY TO KEEP BOTH GOING, BUT WE WILL HAVE TO SEE AS TIME PERMITS. THEY ARE QUITE DIFFERENT IN CONTENT, BUT I THINK AND HOPE THE PERSONALITY REMAINS THE SAME!

HERE ARE SOME PICS OF THE 4 NEW 4 WEEK OLD KITTENS THAT JUST CAME OUT FROM UNDER THE HOUSE LAST PM. WE PICKED THEM UP- THEY DID NOT HISS- WERE NOT AFRAID AND CAME UP ON THE PORCH AND INTO THE CRATE LIKED THEY OWNED THE PLACE. THE COOLEST SET OF CATS WE HAVE EVER SEEN. ONE DAY AND WHEN THE DOOR OPENS THESE LITTLE SUCKUPS ARE ALREADY WADDLING OUT TO US!!!!!! I'LL POST A FEW MORE- THERE ARE 4 ALTOGETHER--- NO DUNBUTT THEY ARE ACTUALLY SIAMESE CATS AND THEY ARE ALL HOOKED TOGETHER!!!!

NEW BLOG OPENS!!!

THE NEW BLOG IS OPENING AT SHHH-GOD'S TALKING
THE NAME HAD TO BE CHANGED AS BEYOND BELIEF WAS TAKEN. IT IS JUST NOW UP AND IS UNDER CONSTRUCTION, BUT PLEASE STOP BY AND COMMENT- OFFER SUGGESTIONS- AND MOST OF ALL PRAY- THAT IT WILL GLORIFY GOD AND GIVE US A FORMAT TO TALK TO EACH ORTHER OPENLY-WITHOUT JUDGMENT, AS WELL AS HAVING A LITTLE FUN ALONG THE WAY AND LEARNING A LITTLE MORE ABOUT A DEEPER WALK AND LOVE OF OUR LORD!

THANKS,

JOHN

CANCEL CHRISTMAS SOUTH CAROLINA BEATS GEAORGIA!!!!!!


GO COCKS!!!!

SOUTH CAROLINA- 16
GEORGIA- 12

Saturday, September 8, 2007

COLLEGE FOOTBALL!!! DUH- IT'S SATURDAY!!!



OK- BOY WHAT A CHANCE I'M TAKING. THE YEAR- 1971- THE OCCASION- MY FIRST RECRUITING TRIP TO THE UNIVERSITY OF SOUTH CAROLINA. THEY FLEW ME UP TO SEE THE STADIUM- I GOTZ A PICTURE TOOKED WITH 2- TWO- TEW- CHEARLEADERS- THE DARK HEADEDED ONE AND I ACTUALLY DATED A COUPLE YEARS LATER!

HER NAME WAS SUZY AND SHE WAS ONE OF THE NICEST, DECENT AND FUNNY WOMEN I HAVE EVER HAD THE PLEASURE TO MEET. AND NO - WE DID NOT!!!!!

AS YOU CAN TELL- I WAS THE ULTIMATE DORK. I USED TO PRAY FOR STRAIGHT HAIR. THE TOOTH ON THE UPPER LEFT WAS SILVER!!!! YEP--SILVER BEFORE IT WAS EVEN COOL IN DA HOOD. WHAT- YOU THINK I COULD AFFORD GOLD IN HIGH SCHOOL??? IT WAS A TEMPORARY ONE- (UNTIL I STOPPED GROWING- LOL- FOR A TOOTH I KNOOCKED OUT WHEN I DOVE OFF THE INDIANS ROCKS FISHING PIER AND LANDED IN WAIST DEEP WATER. BY ALL ACCOUNTS I SHOULD BE DEAD OR AT LEAST PARALYZED.

CHECK OUT THOSE SNAPPY ZAPATOS!!! --- CHOOZE (SHOES- FOR HAMMER- LOL) AND MOST EVERYONE CEPT MRS SCARLET LOL!

YOU TALK ABOUT AN EXCITING VISIT- FROM PODUNK PLANT CITY FLORIDA- TO MY FIRST TRIP ON A BIG OL JET AIRLINER- (THEY TOOK ME TO A NEIL DIAMOND CONCERT-) THAT WAS WHEN SONG SUNG BLUE CAME OUT!!!! KEG PARTY-- KEG PARTY-- AND KEG PARTY! THEY SAY I HAD FUN!

OK- LET THE CHIDING AND KIDDING BEGIN!!!!!

GO GAMECOCKS- OH- YES- I DID COME BACK MY SENIOR YEAR ON ANOTHER TRIP- (YOU ARE ALLOWED 2) AND SIGNED A 4 YEAR FOOTBALL SCHOLARSHIP WITH THEM. I SUCKED! (QUARTERBACK AND I WASN'T WORTH A PLUG NICKLE!!! lol)

JOHN