1. IF YOU'RE CHOKING ON AN ICE CUBE, SIMPLY POUR A CUP OF BOILING
WATER DOWN YOUR THROAT. PRESTO! THE BLOCKAGE WILL INSTANTLY REMOVE
ITSELF.
2. AVOID CUTTING YOURSELF WHEN SLICING VEGETABLES BY GETTING
SOMEONE ELSE TO HOLD THE VEGETABLES WHILE YOU CHOP.
3. AVOID ARGUMENTS WITH THE FEMALES ABOUT LIFTING THE TOILET SEAT
BY USING THE SINK.
4. FOR HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE SUFFERERS ~ SIMPLY CUT YOURSELF AND
BLEED FOR A FEW MINUTES, THUS REDUCING THE PRESSURE ON YOUR VEINS.
REMEMBER TO USE A TIMER.
5. A MOUSE TRAP PLACED ON TOP OF YOUR ALARM CLOCK WILL PREVENT YOU
FROM ROLLING OVER AND GOING BACK TO SLEEP AFTER YOU HIT THE SNOOZE
BUTTON.
6. IF YOU HAVE A BAD COUGH, TAKE A LARGE DOSE OF LAXATIVES. THEN
YOU'LL BE AFRAID TO COUGH.
7. YOU ONLY NEED TWO TOOLS IN LIFE - WD-40 AND DUCT TAPE. IF IT
DOESN'T MOVE AND SHOULD, USE THE WD-40. IF IT SHOULDN'T MOVE AND
DOES, USE THE DUCT TAPE.
8. REMEMBER - EVERYONE SEEMS NORMAL UNTIL YOU GET TO KNOW THEM.
9. IF YOU CAN'T FIX IT WITH A HAMMER, YOU'VE GOT AN ELECTRICAL PROBLEM.
DAILY THOUGHT:
SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES - NOT REALLY GOOD FOR ANYTHING BUT
THEY BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE WHEN PUSHED DOWN THE STAIRS.
I was very grateful for duct tape just yesterday. Computer issue. No lie.
ReplyDeleteThese are great, John, especially #3 and The Daily Thought. :)
ReplyDeleteHave a great week!
What did you do jeannie- you know I gost to know!!! LOL
ReplyDeleteJ
Scarlet- it has been done many times past in college. Although 99% in other peoples sinks LOL.
J
The other day my employee fried my serial port which is crucial in controlling my tanning beds. My son figured the quickest fix was to get a usb to serial cable instead of trying to replace the serial port. But for some reason, the screwy in parts that keep the pins in place were both female (even though the pin parts were male/female) So I had to remove the screwy bits and use duct tape to keep the port plugged in.
ReplyDeleteJohn, I shut down my blog. If you want to know why, e-mail me:
ReplyDeleteilyzu1216@yahoo.com
Have a good day, amigo!
"AVOID ARGUMENTS WITH THE FEMALES ABOUT LIFTING THE TOILET SEAT
ReplyDeleteBY USING THE SINK." Oh, that's just nasty....but I laughed amongst the ewwwwwws.
Ha Ha!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteewwwwww! Not done since drunken stupor in college in 1973. I wonder how I EVER drank alcohol!!!!!
J