Friday, February 29, 2008

SPORTS DRINK

video
YES! CLICK TO PLAY_ SHEESH!!!!!!

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

DEAR ABBY:

Dear Abby:

My husband is a liar and a cheat. He has cheated on me from the beginning, and, when I confront him, he denies everything. What's worse, everyone knows that he cheats on me. It is so humiliating.

Also, since he lost his job six years ago, he hasn't even looked for a new one. All he does all day is smoke cigars, cruise around and shoot the breeze with his buddies while I have to work to pay the bills.

Since our daughter went away to college he doesn't even pretend to like me and hints that I may be a lesbian.



What should I do?

Signed: Clueless

_________________

Dear Clueless:

Grow up and dump him. Good grief, woman. You don't need him anymore!

You're A United States Senator from New York running for
President of the United States .

Act like one.

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

DUCK DUCK GOOSE- MEN STRIKE BACK AT MAXINE!!!

Men strike back!


How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened when she brings it.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.
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Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those 'evolutionary things' that allows
Them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
------------------------- ---------------------- --------------------
How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts a sentence with 'A man once told me...'
--------------- ----------------------------------------------------
How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Why do men pass gas more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to
Build up the required pressure.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
---------------------------------------------- ------ ---------------
What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman who won't do what she's told
-------------------------------------------------------------------
I married a Miss Right.
I just didn't know her first name was Always.
-------------------------------------------------- ------ -----------
Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%.
It's called a Wedding Cake.
---------------------------------------------! ----------------------
Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.
Then God created Man and rested.
Then God created Woman.
Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Send this to a few good men who need a laugh and to the select few women who can handle the truth!

Sunday, February 24, 2008

We see a lot of these come and go. Sometimes it's good to just clear our minds and consciously take 5 minutes to rest and meditate on "whatever". Here is a "whatever" should you decide it's worth your time. It was worth mine and I just wanted to share it with some I know are like minded!

This loads fast, so watch and listen. This soldier-produced video is different, moving and heartwarming. This guy could probably land a recording contract when he comes home!

Friday, February 22, 2008

STRAIGHT SHOOTER! ME LIKE!

In election 2008, don’t forget Angry White Man



Gary Hubbell
February 9, 2008




There is a great amount of interest in this year’s presidential elections, as everybody seems to recognize that our next president has to be a lot better than George Bush. The Democrats are riding high with two groundbreaking candidates — a woman and an African-American — while the conservative Republicans are in a quandary about their party’s nod to a quasi-liberal maverick, John McCain.

Each candidate is carefully pandering to a smorgasbord of special-interest groups, ranging from gay, lesbian and transgender people to children of illegal immigrants to working mothers to evangelical Christians.

There is one group no one has recognized, and it is the group that will decide the election: the Angry White Man. The Angry White Man comes from all economic backgrounds, from dirt-poor to filthy rich. He represents all geographic areas in America, from urban sophisticate to rural redneck, deep South to mountain West, left Coast to Eastern Seaboard.

His common traits are that he isn’t looking for anything from anyone — just the promise to be able to make his own way on a level playing field. In many cases, he is an independent businessman and employs several people. He pays more than his share of taxes and works hard.

The victimhood syndrome buzzwords — “disenfranchised,” “marginalized” and “voiceless” — don’t resonate with him. “Press ‘one’ for English” is a curse-word to him. He’s used to picking up the tab, whether it’s the company Christmas party, three sets of braces, three college educations or a beautiful wedding.

He believes the Constitution is to be interpreted literally, not as a “living document” open to the whims and vagaries of a panel of judges who have never worked an honest day in their lives.

The Angry White Man owns firearms, and he’s willing to pick up a gun to defend his home and his country. He is willing to lay down his life to defend the freedom and safety of others, and the thought of killing someone who needs killing really doesn’t bother him.

The Angry White Man is not a metrosexual, a homosexual or a victim. Nobody like him drowned in Hurricane Katrina — he got his people together and got the hell out, then went back in to rescue those too helpless and stupid to help themselves, often as a police officer, a National Guard soldier or a volunteer firefighter.

His last name and religion don’t matter. His background might be Italian, English, Polish, German, Slavic, Irish, or Russian, and he might have Cherokee, Mexican, or Puerto Rican mixed in, but he considers himself a white American.

He’s a man’s man, the kind of guy who likes to play poker, watch football, hunt white-tailed deer, call turkeys, play golf, spend a few bucks at a strip club once in a blue moon, change his own oil and build things. He coaches baseball, soccer and football teams and doesn’t ask for a penny. He’s the kind of guy who can put an addition on his house with a couple of friends, drill an oil well, weld a new bumper for his truck, design a factory and publish books. He can fill a train with 100,000 tons of coal and get it to the power plant on time so that you keep the lights on and never know what it took to flip that light switch.

Women either love him or hate him, but they know he’s a man, not a dishrag. If they’re looking for someone to walk all over, they’ve got the wrong guy. He stands up straight, opens doors for women and says “Yes, sir” and “No, ma’am.”

He might be a Republican and he might be a Democrat; he might be a Libertarian or a Green. He knows that his wife is more emotional than rational, and he guides the family in a rational manner.

He’s not a racist, but he is annoyed and disappointed when people of certain backgrounds exhibit behavior that typifies the worst stereotypes of their race. He’s willing to give everybody a fair chance if they work hard, play by the rules and learn English.

Most important, the Angry White Man is pissed off. When his job site becomes flooded with illegal workers who don’t pay taxes and his wages drop like a stone, he gets righteously angry. When his job gets shipped overseas, and he has to speak to some incomprehensible idiot in India for tech support, he simmers. When Al Sharpton comes on TV, leading some rally for reparations for slavery or some such nonsense, he bites his tongue and he remembers. When a child gets charged with carrying a concealed weapon for mistakenly bringing a penknife to school, he takes note of who the local idiots are in education and law enforcement.

He also votes, and the Angry White Man loathes Hillary Clinton. Her voice reminds him of a shovel scraping a rock. He recoils at the mere sight of her on television. Her very image disgusts him, and he cannot fathom why anyone would want her as their leader. It’s not that she is a woman. It’s that she is who she is. It’s the liberal victim groups she panders to, the “poor me” attitude that she represents, her inability to give a straight answer to an honest question, his tax dollars that she wants to give to people who refuse to do anything for themselves.

There are many millions of Angry White Men. Four million Angry White Men are members of the National Rifle Association, and all of them will vote against Hillary Clinton, just as the great majority of them voted for George Bush.

He hopes that she will be the Democratic nominee for president in 2008, and he will make sure that she gets beaten like a drum.

Gary Hubbell is a regular columnist with the Aspen Times Weekly.

Thursday, February 21, 2008

NEW PRESIDENT LIBRARY

The GWB Library

The George W. Bush Presidential Library is now in the planning
stages. You'll want to be the first at your corporation to make a
contribution to this great man's legacy.

The Library will include:

The Hurricane Katrina Room, which is still under construction.

The Alberto Gonzales Room, where you can't remember anything.

The Texas Air National Guard Room, where you don't have to even show up.

The Walter Reed Hospital Room, where they don't let you in.

The Guantanamo Bay Room, where they don't let you out.

The Weapons of Mass Destruction Room (which no one has been able to find).

The Iraq War Room. After you complete your first tour, they make you to go
back for a second, third, fourth, and sometimes fifth tour.

The Dick Cheney Room, in the famous undisclosed location, complete with
shooting gallery.

Plans also include: The K-Street Project Gift Shop - where you can buy
(or just steal) an election.

The Airport Men's Room, where you can meet some of your favorite
Republican Senators.

Last, but not least, there will be an entire floor devoted to a 7/8 scale model
of the President's ego.

To highlight the President's accomplishments, the museum will have an
electron microscope to help you locate them.

When asked, President Bush said that he didn't care so much about the
individual exhibits as long as his museum was better than his father's

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

YANKEE VS. DIXIE VOCABULARY QUIZ





This is so cool- Dialect Test- I was 81 % Dixie!! Don't know if that's good or bad- LOL?

Give it a try! (click on any highlighted or colored text for link directly to test)

It's 20 really quick and easy questions- takes about 2-3 minutes!

John
WARNING: SOME VERY GRAPHIC AND COLORFUL LANGUAGE! THIS IS NOT ONE OF THE ONES THAT PLAYED ON TV!!!!

I PROMISE A VERY SERIOUS AND GOOD POST IS UPCOMING!!!!!!!!




video

Sunday, February 17, 2008

CURSING & CONDOMS

WHEN IT'S NOT REALLY CURSING







IF CONDOMS HAD SPONSORS









Thursday, February 14, 2008

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY TO ALL

HAVE A GREAT FRIDAY AND REMEMBER TO TELL SOMEONE YOU LOVE THEM!

ESPECIALLY IF YOU DO!

PRAY FOR THE SHOOTING VICTIMS', FAMILIES, LAW ENFORCEMENT AND MEDICAL TEAMS- & ALL INVOLVED OR AFFECTED IN TODAY'S TRAGEDY AT NORTHERN ILLINOIS UNIVERSITY. UNFORTUNATELY THIS IS BECOMING ALL TOO COMMON IN OUR COUNTRY.

HARD TO MISS THE IRONY OF IT HAPPENING TODAY. IT JUST UNDERSCORES THE IMPORTANCE OF US TELLING THOSE WE DO LOVE JUST HOW MUCH WE LOVE THEM. WE NEED TO REINFORCE THIS EVERY CHANCE WE GET IN ANY WAY WE CAN BY SHOWING OR TELLING THEM. SOMETIMES TOMORROW DOESN'T ARRIVE.

"AND THE GREATEST OF THESE IS LOVE................." THE HOLY BIBLE.


“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” (John 13:34-35) listen to chapter-- Interesting that this was the Scripture Snack verse of the day in my sidebar.


LOVE TO YOU ALL,

JOHN

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

NEW COMPUTER OS- WINDOWS BLINDS !!!!!


OK- THESE TWO ARE NOT OS ERRORS BUT THEY WERE FUNNY!!

MAYBE THEY ARE THE MINIMIZED AND MAXIMIZED WINDOW TWINS!


NOW FOR WINDOWS!!!

MAKES YOU REALLY APPRECIATE THE BLUE SCREEN OF DEATH!!!






FREQUENT CRASH SIGNS & BOXES




Saturday, February 9, 2008

BUYING TIME---ER...PEELING POST!!!!!!!!

New Microsoft User error. Coming with Vista!



Why I divorced my first wife- she wanted to go skiing but couldn't find a lake with a slope on it-(rim shot) pause......laugh.... and she got tired of throwing out all the bad M & M's- the one with the W's on them! Old, but I guarantee your smiling and picturing a big bin of "Bad" M&M's along a Blonde assembly line!

My only problem with M&M's is that the little chocolate ones--- I hate peeling them! It's a lot of work for that little tiny piece of chocolate! Kinda like "King Crab Legs". A man could STARVE before he got enough of those to peeled to eat!

Is there a theme here? OK- Everyone--please add the number ONE or TWO things-

that you would hate to peel............ !!!! Go crazy!

1. I would hate to have to peel a porcupine!

John

Friday, February 8, 2008

GREAT NEWS- RE: JOB


I KNEW IF I'D JUST HANG IN THERE I'D BE--OK !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Hi all,

Went into work today and my Nurse Manager and a fellow employee had a meeting. I mentioned the new job at Urgent Scare- We'll I GOT IT!!!! She also got it and it is a full-time position that is in a totally different class and pay scale as my current Emergency Department Tech II (Paramedic). I found out about this and posted about it on 1/30/08 and had it 2/5/08!!!!!!!!!!!!!

God is so awesome. We will be covering 96 hours a week. Our boss said to make out our own schedule, and take complete ownership of the position. It really is a recovery and support role and is under: Guest Services. Which means I will kiss a lot of butts and essentially try to tame an ER lobby full of angry parents and adults.

The major complaint is always wait time for 99%, and Dr did not listen to me for Drug seekers. I honestly believe this will be an awesome job as I truly do LOVE people and genuinely care about the trials and tribulations of waiting in an uncomfortable environment, with the stress of sickness, fear, time constraints, that affects every one of us at one time or another.

I have a lot of ideas of how to change a few things from the get-go...and a few weare going to stop! also, one Big great advantage (is since I do Assessment anyway)-is that I'll be able to reassure them medically, recheck vital sighs, take the really sick ones to a small "Clinical Room and watch them", make them more comfortable or just get them out of the lobby. Some people need to be moved out because they are a distraction to others. Guest Services personnel are hardly ever clinical personnel (in our Hospital system anyway).

All you Medical folks know what I'm talking about: as I try to tame the wild lobby. But Lord willing and with a little kindness and compassion I can make a difference
in a few of the patients patients visits...and the ones I can't-- Oh, well....at least I tried. Oh...and their will be a lot of time for education- community wide too!!!!

For those of you who prayed and wished me well- Thank You from the Bottom of my heart. I'll still be a Tech for probably 1 month until my position is filled and then after the other employee finishes school I will be moved into the Head Role of Guest Services of our Urgent Care.

Now I can only decide which way to go School wise-- Human Resources, Health Informatics, Health Administration ?????.....but it's exciting and new and a challenge! I love the new breeze and direction that I'm heading....the Earth is my Oyster and I'm not allergic to Shellfish!!!

Thanks all- have a great weekend!

OH_ If anyone reads this and has some experience, suggestions, resources- or knows someone that does...PLEASE E-MAIL ME Or Post Here!!!!!!

john.mcelveen@gmail.com
Full-On Forward

John

Wednesday, February 6, 2008

CATTOO





MMMMMMMMMMMMM MMMMMMMMMMMM MMM MMM M !!!!!!! SIGH


j

Sunday, February 3, 2008

NAME THAT TUNE!


NAME THAT TUNE!








C'MON THINK- 5 SECONDS

OK

SCROLL DOWN

YOU'RE GOING TO KICK YOURSELF!!!!




MOON RIVER!!!!!!!




HAPPY SUPER BOWL SUNDAY EVERYONE! MAY YOUR NACHO'S BE YOURS. WELL IT SAY'S THEY'RE NOTCH YO'S!

I hope everyone has an awesome week and enjoys this lazy Sunday afternoon. Hopefully the commercials will live up to their build up this year and we'll get a chuckle.

Blessings to all,

John


warning- potentially offensive material:


So I was on my way to work this morning..and

Some DICK in a Pickup Truck pulls right out in front of me....
























Hey- I just post em'- I don't make these things up.....much! Ok- this is the raunchy dirty post of the month. All clean and family friendly from here on out. Butt- I couldn't resist these two!

Friday, February 1, 2008

ONLY MAN! or I HATE FEBRUARY

ONLY MAN COULD TAKE A UNIVERSE IN PERFECT ORDER AND HARMONY AND SCREW IT UP WITH CALENDARS AND TIME!

Gregorian, Jewish, Star Charts, GMT, Daylight Savings, Weeks, Months, Nanoseconds, Atomic Clocks (scary)! We are obsessed with time, schedules, promptness and I guess in this High Tech world and Changing times we try to cram so much into something that has remained static for millions of years.

See- I said millions of years- what the heck does that mean. I'm from the South so that could be Billions! I do love our slower paced lifestyle- or at least the perception of it when I was a kid. It seemed like School lasted for ever- yet we always started at the SAME TIME and got out at THE SAME time every year. The day after Labor day and sometime in May! Christmas would never get here, and it didn't start to be discussed until WELL after Thanksgiving.

Now we are speeding up Baseball games, Changing the shot clock during Basketball, Timing everything in the world and a lot that's out of this world- Light years. As opposed to a couple of Heavy Years back in the 1600's ??? WTF? When you were having fun as a kid time FLEW by!

Of course a lot of this is Perception. But some things shouls not be messed with. Like TIME! Just leave it the F alone and let it happen! I drove from LA to Tampa in 6 hours. I WAITED 14 hours in my Doctors office. Blah blah blah blah blah.

Why the Rant! FREAKING FEBRUARY!!!!!!!

This "year" is Leap year! OMG kill me now! What the hell do we have to leap over? Do we have to make up for 23 1/2 No-no seconds that accumulated on the Atomic Clock and Screwed up GMT so that the sun would come up in the West for 3 days?

We are sooooo screwed up we have to make up a POEM to help us out during a year!!!!!!!!

30 days hath September, April, June and November.

All the rest have 31- except for FEBRUARY which is so screwed up you can't even make the last line rhyme.
And now-now- this Year- Is LEAP Year -so we have 29! It usually has only 28! Why????. 30 days in some months, 31 in others----- and then we drop to 28!!!!!!!!! No warning- no explanation. It screws up your Prescription refills!

The moon still circles the Earth at the same freakin speed it did when it started. Except when we have Once in a Blue Moon! It happens more than ONCE, it's rare but it does happen more than once--so it can't be ONCE in a Blue moon. It can be occasionally, or every so often......ahhhhh!

Why does February go from 30 or 31 to 28? And then every 4 ----FOUR, count 'em 4 years we have a leap year! Because we lost 2 or 3 days in February for the last 3 years you moron Scientists- do the Math!

Why do we not know when Jesus is coming back? Only the Father knows because HE- HE- HE is the only one with the Correct Time!!! And He won't tell us. He won't even tell His Son! Of all the mysteries of the Universe, Cosmos, miracles of the Body etc. one of our main questions is- God? What time is it- when are you coming back?

Jesus: "Pop- when am I going back to Earth?"
God: "When the time is right son."
Jesus: "Well, what time is it now?"
God: "About your bedtime, now brush your teeth and get ready for bed- you have a lot of Prayers to Answer in the Morning".
Jesus: "But Dad--all the other Dieties kids are staying up--------
God: " I don't care. I am the One True God. If all the other Dieties' kids created a Universe I guess you would want to create one too?" Now go to bed......now , it's PAST your bedtime!"
Jesus: "Yes Sir"


AND HE SURE WON'T TELL US! A day is like a thousand years, a second is like two minutes and to be absent is to be present and in the Twinkling of an eye! Our Eternal fate of going to Heaven or Hell for eternity hangs on such a precise phrase as "in the twinkling of an eye! We will get our glorified body's- one of the most anticipated event's for Christian's worldwide and we get an estimate!!!!!! How long is a Twinkle? I guess we should ask the 'Little Star"! He created the World in 6 days...and gives explicit time lines in Genesis for 6 days....but when is one of the most important events of all TIME going to happen? "IN A TWINKLE!

God knows- but He HAS HIS HAND OVER HIS CELESTIAL ROLEX SO WE CAN'T SEE IT!
Be ready- because He will return like a thief in the Night!!!!! Just Be ready!

OK. OK. That's Long enough. See--Long enough? By who's standard? Sheesh. Everyone get ready. If you post daily- well....you have to come up with an extra one this month. Or do you really since we usually only have 28 days and now we have 29; so we really come up getting a break on 2 or 3 blogs usually this month ---but it's been 4 years...................................................... so..............................................................................

Sound of Gunshot!!

Bleeding to death over my keyboard...... Wonder how LONG this is going to take? An eternity I guess!

J