Monday, April 18, 2011

GAS COUPON--GOING TO SIGN TAX FORMS!


GAS COUPON--GOING TO SIGN TAX FORMS!




I didn't realize it, but these coupons are good for one gallon of gas at most retailers. I have seen them around, but until recently never took advantage of them, I never realized their actual worth. You probably have one or two just lying around somewhere, now is the time to use them before they lose their value, and it's too late!!
 
SEE COUPON BELOW...Actually good for one gallon of gas for a limited time only!


LOWEST FORM OF HUMOUR? I THINK NOT!

The ability to make and understand puns is considered to be the highest level of language development.  
Here are the 10 first place winners in the International Pun Contest:

 
1.    A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons.  The stewardess looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger."

 
2.    Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says, "Dam!"

 
3.    Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft.  Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

 
4.    Two hydrogen atoms meet.  One says, "I've lost my electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies "Yes, I'm positive."

 
5.    Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal?  His goal: transcend dental medication.

 
6.    A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories.  After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.  "But why?", they asked, as they moved off.  "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."

 
7.    A woman delivers a set of identical twins and decides to give them up for adoption.  One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in   Spain ; they name him "Juan."  Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother.  Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal.  Her husband responds, "They're twins!  If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."

 
8.    A group of friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds.  Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair.   He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not.  He went back and begged the friars to close.  They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" the friars to close.  Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that only Hugh can prevent florist friars.

 
9.    Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and, with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.  This made him (Oh, dude, this is so bad, it's good) a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

 
10. And finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh.  No pun in ten did.




GRATUITOUS POST SINCE REAL WORLD GOT IN THE WAY TODAY!!!!
LOVE YOU ALL



JMc

9 comments:

  1. Good stuff! Groaners on a Monday are very suitable.

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  2. Every single one of those is older than you and I! And all have been publish as the Groaner of the Week at my place over the years! LOL

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  3. This absolutely made my day!!! (and it really needed to be made)

    Loved it!

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  4. Jeannie-- I agree!

    J


    Jingle- TYVM--and thanks so much for stopping by! Kat Dennison above in comments- ALWAYS has great groaners!!!!


    John


    Kay--These are timeless and classic. I knew if anyone would know and like them you would. My College Buddy and I are terrible punsters!

    J



    Kelly-- Just take a deep breath--and if need be--go catch another Beautiful Bass! Sorry you had a bad one my Dear!!!


    Hugs,

    J

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  5. Funny man! Have any extra fives you can lend me, it takes a lot of them to fill up my truck!

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  6. Oh John! I needed this laugh today! I absolutely love the "coupon" for a gallon of gas. You managed to state it so well without being overt. Genius!

    Thanks too for listing those great puns. Wonderful stuff!

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  7. I bet the vulture could sneak an extra carrion into the planes cabin.

    Yeah we'll see about that coupon thing. Oils is overpriced with the rest of the commodities market and will correct itself in the next blow out, yesterday at 145 loss to the DJ was just a blip. The whole market is a bit overheated so hang on to your coupons as long as you can is my best advice.

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  8. sage-- I'm wondering if I'll be able to make my Fl trip. I'm even going to check into Flying!!!

    May cost about the same--and the time it will save will be awesome!

    J

    PS: DON'T put the 5's in your tank--exchange them for gas!!!! :-)


    PAMO--It seems this was a Monday Monday--can't trust that day as was so brilliantly posted by Gillian!http:// thereisgrandeur.blogspot.com/


    J


    Mark--Well said--what's it gonna take to correct--we almost tipped and hit true Depression and bread lines? Is the avarice and greed gonna push us there again?

    BBB,

    J

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Incredibly smart relies: