1. I was walking through the cemetery this morning and saw a guy crouching down behind a tombstone. I said "morning". He said, "No, just taking a shit."
2. When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realized that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole a bike and asked him to forgive me.
3. Too crass believe it or not: Deleted.
4. I went to an extremely attractive female doctor today for my annual checkup. She told me that I had to quit masturbating. I asked why and she told me" Because I am trying to examine you."
5. I was walking down the road today and saw my Afghanistan neighbor Abdul standing on his fifth floor apartment balcony shaking a carpet. I shouted up to him, "What's up Abdul, won't it fuckin start?."
6. I parked in a disabled person's spot today and a cop yelled at me "Show me proof of your disability." I shouted back at him, "Tourettes syndrome. Now fuck off you asshole."
Quote of the Day by Rita Rudner:
"I WAS A VEGETARIAN, UNTIL I STARTED LEANING TOWARDS THE SUNLIGHT."
I love them all :)
ReplyDeleteHahaha!!!
ReplyDeletethose are great!