Friday, April 24, 2009

BEAUTIFUL WEATHER!!!!

GONNA BE IN THE 80'S WITH HARDLY ANY CHANCE OF RAIN THIS NEXT TEN DAYS. WE ARE PACKING UP AND PARING DOWN, GETTING RID OF WORLDLY CRAP. SO WHEN WE MOVE WE WILL JUST TAKE THE STUFF WE USE!!!! THE IF WE REALLY NEED SOMETHING, WE'LL SEE ABOUT GETTING IT. WE ARE CUTTING BACK AND GETTING READY TO LIVE A LIFESTYLE FIT FOR RETIREMENT SO WHEN IT COMES WE'LL ALREADY BE PRACTICING IT!

GOING GREEN WITH THE LIGHT BULBS, AND TRYING TO SAVE AND CONSERVE AS MUCH WATER AND ELECTRICITY AS POSSIBLE WHILE STILL MAINTAINING A COMFORTABLE LIFESTYLE. I THINK WE WILL BENEFIT FROM IT AS A COUPLE AND IT WILL BE AN ADVENTURE. WE'LL PRETEND WE'RE CAMPING OUT. (IN A HOUSE!) lol.

GONNA KILL TOMORROW---BOMB AN OLD STORAGE SHED WITH ROACHES FROM THE JURASSIC PERIOD AND GIANT WOOLLY MASTODON RATS! CAN'T WAIT TO CAP THEIR ASS! SUGAR ME TO DEATH SOME FIRE AUNTS ALA HAMMER. MUCHAS GRACIAS MI AMIGO. IF I SPEND $28.00 ON SUGAR AND THEY GET BIGGER, I'M GONNA KICK SOME BUTT!!!!!!

WELL, GONNA CLOSE. SHOULD HEAR SOME VALID NEWS ABOUT MY DAD AS MY STEPMOTHERS DAUGHTER IS THERE THIS WEEK. I'M NOT SURE IF HE'S ABOUT TO DIE, OR OUT MOWING THE LAWN. BUT SERIOUSLY I'M GETTING SOME VERY MIXED SIGNALS AND I CAN'T PUT MY LIFE ON HOLD, AND SCHOOL MUCH LONGER.

WELL ENOUGH FOR NOW.

NEW STUFF AND FUNNY PICS COMONG SOON!

J

9 comments:

  1. boric acid tablets (sold at the grocery or hardware) will off the roaches. Just throw them under shelves and behind boxes.

    Those bug bombs don't always do the trick.

    Oh yeah if you use rat poison, mix it with peanut butter, some rats are too dang smart to eat the blue stuff.

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  2. We're supposed to have a wonderfully warm 24 degrees here - Celsius of course - not quite the 80's but sure better than freezing.

    We don't get roach problems in old storage sheds.
    Or fire ants.
    Rats? I don't think there's many of them either where we are - lots of mice though.

    Unfortunately, I still need the storage shed.

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  3. Ours are mostly mice too Jeannie, but we live next to about a 15 acre field and we do get the bigger true rat. Hammer- forgot about the Boric acid. We used it at the old house and it worked great!!! Thanks for the reminder & the peanut butter tip!

    Have a great weekend all!!

    J

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  4. I find the waves of sadness so hard John. :(

    And the guilt with grief is toxic.

    I will always regret I didn't go in those last two days and some other things I didn't do I planned to do. I had the time but delayed.

    I regret missed opportunities...so many missed opportunities.

    It's not the things I did wrong as much as the missed opportunities that bother me.

    I don't even know what to write in SS blog next.

    maybe I shouldn't have announced the gi bleed but I was hoping for collective prayer.

    There are so many things I wonder about her last days as I get bits and pieces.

    I am sorry about your dad.

    Take it from me...if there is ANYTHING you can think of you want to tell him, do for him..do it NOW.

    Gone forever is a looong time.

    I can't believe I will never do anything with her again. I feel such a void.

    Friday night was so hard but I am glad we were all there.

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  5. WHAT PHENOMENAL ADVICE!
    THANKS FROM THE HEART. WHEN i WENT DOWN I TRIED TO COVER AS MANY AS I COULD, HOWEVER I KNOW THAT THERE WILL BE A LOT I MISSED. I THINK THAT IS PART OF THE PROCESS OF LETTING GO.

    We remember and grieve those moments or memories and it helps us to put the big picture in perspective. I worried about the numbness that I think is going to be coming. I'm usually so in charge (or think I am) and I don't think I will be when it finally happens.

    Thanks for Sharing Sea! Remember- Together, We CAN. And even though He may feel or seem distant; God is only a Prayer away, and He hurts as we hurt.

    Feeling your pain,

    John

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  6. Thank you John.

    It may be worse because our relationship had been complicated, although we always loved each other.

    You know that scripture "Be still and know that I am God"?

    In a way..her having to be in a nursing home these last 6 months kind of got us to be still..and hear each other. Because all the other stuff was out of the way..the trigger points for frustration, etc.

    We did say some things. It got me to slow down and say some good things. There was a lot of hugging and tenderness between us.

    But John...I am not working...and I should have been there even more and I could've done extra special things. i did do them..but more.

    The hardest thing and I will write about it at some point is I didn't go see her the last 5 days. Easter, I told her I'd be busy with taxes (yeah I'm one of those.."where IS that receipt?" people. And I said i wouldn't be in until after Wednesday.

    The inference would be thursday.

    But I have had a stomach ache/nausea since March and nausea w/me 24/7 and aching intermittently. So I didn't go Thursday. I planned Friday. I could've over ridden these feelings because I have..but I gave in to it.

    Friday the nurse called to say she had a distended abdomen (no prior urologic hx)due to urinary retention, but after foley...my mother stated that was a relief.

    They didn't know why it happened.

    Still not feeling great I asked if I needed to come in and the nurse said "No, shes fine and talking." So.. I said I'd be in tomorrow (sat). My thinking was..well..she is fine and talking with them. I didn't even think to tell her to tell my mom.

    And it is the first time in 6 months that I didn't call in 5 days.

    Mom lost her ability to uses the phone or even think to ask them to call me.

    I had a note over her nite stand, hot pink paper, black marker with my number..requesting that anyone pick up phone, call me and give it to mom at any time. Only her day aid did... a couple of times a week.

    If I didn't hear from her..I would call the nurse's station, they would go down to her room, i'd call, they'd pick up and put mom on phone.

    But it was always a hassle getting through because they hardly answer the phone. It didn't stop me but for some reason..I kept putting it off.

    Then just after 7 friday nite got the call by a very distraught supervisor the paramedics were en route because she was bleeding a lot from her intestines.

    She was barely breathing by time they got there and was intubated.

    She had a DNR at doc's office that staff never got but I am glad for that screw up because we all got to be with her over next few hours in ER. She was losing so much blood, they didn't know why, was in renal failure, coumadin was a 10 and bp was so low they couldn't give her pain meds and she was septic. But she wasn't agitated. The only thing moving was her chest because of the respirator.

    I still said some things, tried to read scriptures but too noisy and interruptions and I mostly kissed her, stoked her hair and face and sobbed on her chest and by her.

    I used to pray that she wouldn't die alone and if she had to that Jesus, family and or angels would be with her so she wasn't afraid.

    I guess he answered my prayer better than I thought in that i, my husband, both sons, d-i-l and her soon to be born new baby and granddaughter were all in the room when she died.

    I have gotten bits and pieces from NH staff and I wonder if she suffered or was in pain and if they missed things..but I will post on that when I am ready.

    Even if we knew what was wrong..at 85, frail condition..I am guessing she may not have been able to tolerate procedures.

    And if as the bible says..we are appointed once to die...then maybe this was just her time..even if there was any negligence..this was the means.

    I just wonder if she forgot that I said I was doing taxes and with my not visiting (usually went 2-3 times a week)and then not going 2 more days and on top of that not making any voice contact via phone..she felt forgotten and gave up. ???

    If I just could've held her hand with pink instead of increasingly bluer nails, if I just could've looked into her pretty teal eyes...one more time...and one more time held her in my arms, kissed her cheek or forehead and tell her I love her and here her say I love you too to me... and if just one more time... I could've left her room with hearing her telling me to watch the cars on my way home... just one more time.

    And most importantly...if I had known or sensed she was on her way out... Oh dear God... I could've been talking with her, ministering about God, and comforting her and maybe even bringing some smiles to her spirit. But I missed that opportunity. And even if she was sleeping..I could've prayed over her, for her and I could've been a presence.

    i could've...

    John..here is something another doc shared w/me via twitter:

    "saying the 5 things to the living and dead, as described by Dr. Ira Byock: a) I love you. b) I'm sorry, please forgive me, c) I forgive you,d) Thank you, and e) Goodbye, or it's ok if you go."

    I know this was long..delete if you wish.

    I am going to use my previous comment to you as my post because I guess I could say that for now.

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  8. I don't know test results yet.

    Oh... I eventually will do the post on my drinking the cat's water on March 21st. Actually 2 cats and my dog has drank out of that cup. I know..I have to explain.

    I started with the stomach nausea/aching about 5 days later.

    parasites?

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  9. Delete this? ARE YOU KIDDING!!! I'm going to print it out and keep it VERY close by. I will need it soon. Thank you for ministering to me even in your grief. God uses you mightily that way. I'm going to hold off on any more comments and just let what you wrote soak in. And I'm sure as heck not going to try and give any advice.

    Just know that I love you in Christ, and you Mother was extremely blessed to have had you at all!!!!

    John

    Looking forward to the drinking post as soon as you feel up to it! I feel a grin coming on already!!

    Prayer is definitely going up!

    J

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Incredibly smart relies: