If any of you feel inadequate, unappreciated, useless, or totally inept at work; you probably are.

Please meet here for an encouragement session.

WE WILL COVER SUCH TOPICS AS:


Those things people are saying behind your back: TRUE
EVEY water cooler conversation IS about your crappy work.
You ARE the butt of everyone in the offices' jokes.
Your Dog doesn't like you; it is just instinct that makes him jump up and down and wag his tail.
Even yo Momma has severe doubts about you. (Being hers, is one of them)

We will offer time tested remedies on how to fix this malady.

Like QUITTING: and working from home stuffing envelopes. Not a bad job but you will even give yourself bad performance reviews.

Please deposit 250.00 into Paypal, the first 500 people will get a coffee mug with a big "L" on it. If you guess what the Big "L" stands for- you win nothing! Because you are a LOSER! (Hint provided)

If less than 1000 people sign up your money is non-refundable, proving again you deserve the mug!

Sincerely,

Jobless in Seattle

Be one of the first 100 to deposit your money and you will get the bonus Tee Shirt that says:

WILL WORK FOR FOOD. We can't show it here as we have no graphics department.

THANK YOU

THANKS FROM BEN & JERRY CATZ.

THANK YOU MR AND MS ARMY PEOPLE FOR KEEPING ME SAFE AT HOME. AND THE SHIPS PEOPLE AND THE AIRPLANE BOMBERS PEOPLE...OH, AND THE JAR HEADS. I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS- MARINES I THINK! BUT I'LL HAVE TO ASK MY DADDY. HE KNOWS EVERYTHING!
DO YOU HAVE ANY ARMY CATS? WE'ED BE PUUURFECT AS SPIES!




Thank you men and women of our Armed Forces. I Pray God will watch over you in the pitch of battle, and keep you sleeping soundly at home or abroad. May your families be blessed with your memories while you are away. And especially if you have been taken from them in conflict, preserving our rights to type these words!

GOD BLESS AMERICA- & AMERICA, BLESS GOD!

THAT'S MY NEW SLOGAN!

GOD BLESS AMERICA, AND AMERICA, BLESS GOD! WE NEED TO GET BACK TO BEING A WORSHIPING, PRAYING, GODLY NATION!

AMEN


Here is a cool site that idrish has on his site that links to a site that cites what you were in a past life. Now even if you don't believe in reincarnation--go on over and see what it says! It's kinda cool!!!!

Your past life diagnosis: I don't know how you feel about it, but you were female in your last earthly incarnation.You were born somewhere in the territory of modern Yukon around the year 1275. Your profession was that of a preacher, publisher or writer of ancient inscriptions. Your brief psychological profile in your past life:
Timid, constrained, quiet person. You had creative talents, which waited until this life to be liberated. Sometimes your environment considered you strange. The lesson that your last past life brought to your present incarnation:
It always seemed to you that your perceptions of the world are somewhat different. Your lesson is to trust your intuition as your best guide in your present life. Do you remember now?


http://www.thebigview.com/pastlife/index.html

MONKEY WITH A DEATH WISH!!!!!!

100 WOMEN IN FILM---PRETTY COOL

BUTTHOLE SAID HE'D BE RIGHT BACK AND PULL ME!



100 WOMEN IN FILM! (about 2 1/2 minutes) Click the little square (by volume control) for a full screen view!

glumbert - Women in Film

MARRIAGE- THE GOOD, BAD & THE UGLY!

WHY AM I MARRIED?
You have two choices in life:
You can stay single and be miserable,
Or get married and wish you were dead.
__________
At a cocktail party, one woman said to another,
'Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?'
'Yes, I am.. I married the wrong man.'
__________
A lady inserted an ad in the classifieds:
'Husband Wanted'.
Next day she received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing:
'You can have mine.'
__________

When a woman steals your husband,
There is no better revenge than to let her keep him.
__________
A woman is incomplete until she is married. Then she is finished .
__________

A little boy asked his father,
'Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?'
Father replied, 'I don't know son, I'm still paying.'
__________

A young son asked,
'Is it true Dad, that in some parts of Africa
A man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?'
Dad replied, 'That happens in every country, son.'
__________
Then there was a woman who said,
'I never knew what real happiness was until I got married,
And by then, it was too late.'
__________
Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
__________

If you want your spouse to listen and
Pay strict attention to every word you say -- talk in your sleep.
__________
Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
__________

First guy says, 'My wife's an angel!'
Second guy remarks, 'You're lucky, mine's still alive.'
__________
'A Woman's Prayer:
Dear Lord, I pray for: Wisdom, To understand a man , to Love and to forgive him , and for patience, For his moods. Because Lord, if I pray for Strength I'll just beat him to death'
__________

AND NOW FOR THE FAVORITE!!!
Husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop with their nine children. A blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded and only the wife and the nine kids are able to fit onto the bus.

So the husband and the blind man decide to walk. After a while, the husband gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of the blind man as he taps it on the sidewalk, and says to him, 'Why don't you put a piece of rubber at the end of your stick? That ticking sound is driving me crazy.'

The blind man replies, 'If you had put a rubber at the end of YOUR stick, we'd be riding the bus, so shut the hell up.'

Whooooooooooooo Hoooooooooooooo

Just finished posting my last attachment for First two classes and I'm already in the other two that start in the morning! I've already had to post a bio in both of those classes. Dang- I had exactly 18 minutes between classes! LOL. Not complaining- just miss you guys. Boy 9 weeks shure flies by. I think I made A's in both classes. I should know mid week!

Yessssssssssssssssss!!!


J

HOW TO STOP CHURCH GOSSIP!

WHAT IS THIS A PICTURE OF? I TOOK IT IN MY FRONT YARD. ANY GUESSES? ANSWER TO COME LATER




History Mystery

Have a history teacher explain this, if they can.



Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846.
John F. Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946.

Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860.
John F. Kennedy was elected President in 1960.

Both were particularly concerned with civil rights.
Both wives lost their children while living in the White House.

Both Presidents were shot on a Friday.
Both Presidents were shot in the head.

Now it gets really weird.

Lincoln 's secretary was named Kennedy.
Kennedy's secretary was named Lincoln .

Both were assassinated by Southerners.
Both were succeeded by Southerners named Johnson.

Andrew Johnson, who succeeded Lincoln , was born in 1808.
Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was born in 1908.





John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated Lincoln , was born in 1839.
Lee Harvey Oswald, who assassinated Kennedy, was born in 1939.





Both assassins were known by their three names.
Both names are composed of fifteen letters.

Now hang on to your seat.

Lincoln was shot at the theater named 'Ford.'
Kennedy was shot in a car called ' Lincoln ' made by 'Ford.'

Lincoln was shot in a theater and his assassin ran and hid in a warehouse.
Kennedy was shot from a warehouse and his assassin ran and hid in a theater.

Booth and Oswald were assassinated before their trials.

And here's the kicker...

A week before Lincoln was shot; he was in Monroe , Maryland .
A week before Kennedy was shot; he was in Marilyn Monroe.

Creepy huh?



HOW TO STOP CHURCH GOSSIP


Mildred, the church gossip, and self-appointed monitor of the
church's morals, kept sticking her nose in to other people's business. Several
members did not approve of her extra curricular activities, but feared her
enough to maintain their silence.


She made a mistake, however, when she accused George, a new member, of being an
alcoholic after she saw his old pickup parked in front of the town's only bar
one afternoon. She emphatically told George (and several others) that everyone
seeing it there would know what he was doing.




George, a man of few words, stared at her for a moment and just turned and
walked away. He didn't explain, defend, or deny... He said nothing. Later that evening,
George quietly parked his pickup in front of
Mildred's house...


walked home...


and left it there all night!!!


You gotta love George!!

HOW TO GET A RAISE>

A Mexican maid asked for a pay increase.
>
> The wife was very upset about this and asked: "Now
> Maria, why do you
> want a pay increase?"
>
> Maria: "Well Señora, there are three reasons why I
> want an increase.
> The first is that I iron better than you."
> Wife: "Who said you iron better than me?"
> Maria: "Your husband said so."
> Wife: "Oh."
>
> Maria: "The second reason is that I am a better cook
> than you."
> Wife: "Nonsense, who said you were a better cook
> than me?"
> Maria: "Your husband did."
> Wife: "Oh."
>
> Maria: "My third reason is that I am a better lover
> than you."
> Wife (really furious now): "Did my husband say that
> as well?"
> Maria: "No Señora, the gardener did."
>
> SHE GOT THE RAISE

"B" EATITUES are POSITIVE

OK..Tired....working hard, fed up with ere...elections. Time to get back to normal, cleaner, sillier posts. Have gone through rebellious stage and rants for the moment. I reserve the right (or left) to return as I see fit. I'm going to experiment with my new found academic skills on you the reader. This won't affect but a few but that's cool. You are faithful and I love you!

Thank you for you continued dropbyedness. I am going to return to a general diary type blog with all the usual craziness and mishmash of whatever the heck I want to write albeit with hopefully a POSITIVE spin. Unless of course something pisses me off. So tell tell your friends and enemies to drop back in.

Tech question. I recently resized my desktop to (something els) 1024 x 768 or something. Is it readable or do I need a new template, colors fonts, anything????
Just want some honest feedback.

Thanks to everyone who has ever stopped by, and if you are lurking....very cool, just say Hi once in a while so I know people are stopping by.

J

NO CONTEST- ELECTIONS AS VIEWED FROM AFAR

"We in Denmark
cannot figure out why you are even bothering to hold an election.



On one side, you have a bitch who is a lawyer, married to a lawyer . . . and a
lawyer who is married to a bitch who is a lawyer.



On the other side, you have a war hero married to a good looking woman with big
tits who owns a beer distributorship.



Is there a contest here?"

THINGS THAT SHOULD DEFINITELY "NOT" BE FOUND IN YOUR GARDEN (Not for little eyes)

The ASS Apple


Finger Food- "Hands down the best in town"


Dead BEET Dad!


Red Hot Chili Pekkers


ROOT a bega or "Dick Weed"


Remember I don't make these things up folks, I just call 'em like I see 'em.

Also there is the old garden expression that means it takes a long time to reach a prostitute- or "A Long Road to HO!!! Ahhh haaaa, I crack myself up.

Love ya's anyway!

J

CLASSES UPDATE / NEW DRUG- LIAGRA

YES!!!!! DOUBLE CLICK SO IT GETS BIGGER- NO Not there Hammer! The PICTURE!!!


I'M ALMOST AT THE END OF A 9 WEEK BLOCK FOR MY FIRST TWO CLASSES. COMMUNICATIONS 140, GRAMMAR,STYLE,PRESENTATION,POWER POINT,WORD,SENTENCE STRUCTURE,WRITING TO AN AUDIENCE, BUSINESS VERSE ACADEMIC FORMAT- HOW TO TUN YOUR DANG CAPS LOCK OFF! And Gen 105 which is an introduction to on-line learning and teaches about Plagiarism all the tools on the site, time management (oxymoron), but some really good and useful stuff . Both classes have been more than I expected having never taken any real business courses as far as formal communication etc. This week is reading and retention and tricks of the trade on that.

I already have my next two classes posted. This 9 week block ends May 19Th and then we have a break. From 11:59 on the 19Th to 12:00 am on the 20Th. Yep classes start the next day. Not sure what I'll do. Probably BLINK. I doubt you can tell what I've done but I've so engrossed you in this perfect piece of writing what with all my skills and all, (mostly the correct placement of commas'), you probably missed the Video and the Power Point that was embedded. Oh well- you're loss- pay closer attention next time.

Seriously, I really feel I've gotten my monies worth and I can see how this is preparing me for Management; with proposals, memos', correct formats etc. I've never had that on the clinical side. "Excuse me sir while I slip this one inch round rubber tube up your penis to relieve your bladder. Sincerely, John McElveen." "Oh my---a Dangling participle...my bad, just a wee wee!"

Will update with some new pics, old jokes, political satire and more nonsense soon, so stay tuned.

Who knows, You may just get a Power Point presentation!

J