MY FATHER WAS ADMITTED TO THE HOSPITAL AGAIN TODAY. HE IS DYING. HIS INTERNAL DEFIBRILLATOR WENT OFF..HE SCREAMED. SUCH LIFE SAVING TECHNOLOGY, SUCH PAIN KNOWING IT'S GOING TO SHOCK THE CRAP OUTTA YOU.....WOW.
HE'S SAVED...HE'S GOING TO BE WITH THE KING, HIS MAKER, GOD. HE WILL BE AT PEACE, AND SO AM I. I'M JUST NOT SURE WHEN, AND THAT SUCKS BIG TIME!!!!!! TIME; THE GREAT INTANGIBLE...IN DUE TIME, ALL IN GOOD TIME, TIME HEALS ALL WOUNDS, TIME WOUNDS ALL HEELS,
FIVEHUNDREDTWENTFIVETHOUSANDTHREEHUNDREDMINUTES, FIVEHUNDREDTWENTYFIVETHOUSAND MOMENTS SO DEAR
FIVEHUNDREDREDTWENTYFIVETHOUSANDSTHREEHUNDREDMINUTES
FIVEHUNDREDTWENTYFIVETHOUDAND
(HEART BEATS SO DEAR)...(PARAPHRASE MINE), FROM THE MUSICAL: RENT.
THIS IS NOT FOR SYMPATHY, ATTENTION, OR WHATEVER. BECAUSE IT'S NOT ABOUT ME. WELL IT IS AND IT ISN'T. BECAUSE NOW I'M HIM. I'M MY DAD. I'M THE FAMILY NAME AND HOW I REPRESENT IT FOR BETTER OR WORSE. I'LL DO HIM PROUD. I NEVER COULD PLEASE HIM AS A KID...BUT NOW THAT WE'RE BOTH GROWN UP...WE BOTH REALIZE I DON'T HAVE TO AND HE DOESN'T NEED LIVE IT THROUGH ME!
I'VE NEVER FELT CLOSER TO HIM, NOR, FURTHER AWAY. I TAKE GREAT COMFORT IN KNOWING I WILL SEE HIM AGAIN. I KNOW THAT AS SURE AS I KNOW THE MOST CONCRETE TRUTHFUL FACT ON EARTH. BY FAITH. TENUOUS AT BEST SOME MAY SAY, BUT STRONGER THAN STEEL TO ME. AND THAT'S WHAT COUNTS. MY BELIEF. MY FAITH. MY KNOWLEDGE ABOUT LIFE AS I KNOW IT. IT'S UNSHAKABLE, IMMOVABLE, IMMUTABLE, IRREFUTABLE. IT IS WHAT IT IS. JUST AS GOD SAYS ABOUT HIMSELF, "I AM"!!!!!!! "I AM THAT I AM". STRONGER THAN POPEYE!
I'M NOT SURE WHEN YOUR FLIGHT IS DAD. BUT I LOVE YOU. ALWAYS HAVE, EVEN WHEN I WAS REBELLING. I'LL SEE YOU WHEN I SEE YOU.
BYE BO!
LOVE,
YOUR SON
John, I'm so sorry. This post is very sad, yet I sense a peace coming from you that lets me know you'll be okay. God is alive and faithful and watching over your dad this very minute. He will take care of things. I'll be praying for you all, my friend. :)
ReplyDeleteHugs,
Scarlet
Although you know it's imminent, this is something you just can't really prepare for. I'm sorry that you will part but very happy that this isn't the end of the relationship. Can you imagine the reunion?
ReplyDeleteJohn...I am so very sorry.
ReplyDeleteI know how much it hurts.
i heard an evangelist tell a story about her dying father. she was in the air praying that she would get there in time but he died before she got there... but came back.
When they saw each other he said dying was no big deal. he said it was like inhaling your next breath and you're in heaven.
(That's so cool...there before you even exhale)
he was a pastor.
I know you know where he is going and that through Christ you will be reunited again.
But it hurts on this side when we see them suffering and know they are about to leave us.
My mom recently (October) entered a nursing home and it has been sad for me for many reasons.
The worst just seeing her deteriorate so unexpectedly and quickly. She's 85.
But the next worse thing is the guilt of her being there, the seemingly sad existence and my regrets over our relationship and the wasted time. it's complicated.
But unlike you...I have not focused on God/Jesus or been exercising my faith to carry me through or even praying as much. I don't know why.
I just want you to know that reading your beautiful post was encouraging from a Christian perspective.
Take care my friend.
And... I love how the bible says we will be known as we were known. We will be doing lots of cool things with our resurrected bodies and it will be so fun and interesting.
His life is just beginning and you will have eternity together someday.
Praying for you, John.
ReplyDeleteI love you guys! That's what this community is all about!
ReplyDeleteThanks!!!!
He was sent home from hospital today and I'm planning on going down ASAP. It seems God has given us a little more time together!!!! Since I haven't seen him in soooo long, this is an awesome way to get to go say goodbye in person!
The Lord does things in his own time. Theres still a lesson to be taught and some to be learned.
ReplyDeleteI love your attitude, Smile through adversity, and be gifted greatly in the end.
I got you in my prayers John, and your Dad too. Hugs