Wednesday, February 20, 2013

THE RULES OF NORTH AND SOUTH CAROLINA!

 THE RULES OF RURAL SOUTH CAROLINA ARE AS FOLLOWS:



      1. PULL YOUR DROOPY PANTS UP. YOU LOOK LIKE AN IDIOT.


      2. TURN YOUR CAP THE RIGHT WAY, YOUR HEAD ISN'T CROOKED.


      3. LET'S GET THIS STRAIGHT; IT'S CALLED A 'DIRT ROAD.' NO MATTER
    HOW SLOW
      YOU DRIVE, YOU'RE GOING TO GET DUST ON YOUR LEXUS. DRIVE IT OR GET
    OUT OF THE WAY.



      4. THEY ARE CATTLE. THEY'RE LIVE STEAKS. THAT'S WHY THEY SMELL
    FUNNY TO
      YOU, GET OVER IT.  DON'T LIKE IT?  YOU HAVE A CHOICE OF I-26,
    I-40, I-77, I-85, AND I-95.  PICK ONE.  THEY ALL TAKE YOU AWAY FROM
    SOUTH CAROLINA.



      5. SO YOU HAVE A $60,000 CAR. WE'RE IMPRESSED. WE HAVE $100,000
    TRACTORS
      AND HAY BALERS THAT ARE DRIVEN ONLY 3 WEEKS A YEAR.


      6.. SO EVERY PERSON IN RURAL SOUTH CAROLINA  WAVES. WE THINK OF IT AS
      BEING FRIENDLY. TRY TO UNDERSTAND THE CONCEPT.


      7. IF THAT CELL PHONE RINGS WHILE AN 8-POINT BUCK AND 3 DOES ARE
    COMING
      IN, WE WILL SHOOT IT OUT OF YOUR HAND. YOU BETTER HOPE YOU DON'T
    HAVE IT
      UP TO YOUR EAR AT THE TIME.



      8. YEAH, WE EAT FRIED POTATOES, GRAVY, BEANS & CORNBREAD. WE FRY
    OUR FISH AFTER
      'CATCHIN 'EM'. YOU REALLY WANT SUSHI & CAVIAR? IT'S AVAILABLE AT THE
      CORNER BAIT SHOP.



      9. TO US, THE 'OPENER' REFERS TO THE FIRST DAY OF DEER SEASON.
    IT'S A RELIGIOUS
      HOLIDAY HELD ON THE MONDAY BEFORE THANKSGIVING.


      10. WE OPEN DOORS FOR WOMEN. THAT IS APPLIED TO ALL WOMEN,
    REGARDLESS OF AGE.


      11. NO, THERE'S NO 'VEGETARIAN SPECIAL' ON THE MENU. ORDER COUNTRY
    HAM OR
      FRIED CHICKEN OR YOU CAN ORDER THE CHEF'S SALAD AND PICK OFF THE 2
    POUNDS
      OF HAM & TURKEY.



      12.THERE ARE THREE MAIN DISHES: MEATS
      (INCLUDES FISH), VEGETABLES, AND BREADS. WE USE FOUR SPICES: SALT,
    PEPPER,
      HOT SAUCE AND KETCHUP. OH, YEAH...WE DON'T CARE WHAT YOU FOLKS IN
    JERSEY
      CALL THAT STUFF YOU EAT...IT AIN'T REAL CHILI!! !!


      13. YOU BRING 'COKE' INTO THE HOUSE, IT BETTER BE BROWN, WET AND
    SERVED
      OVER ICE.



      14. YOU BRING 'MARY JANE' INTO THE HOUSE, SHE BETTER BE CUTE, KNOW
    HOW TO
      SHOOT, AND HAVE LONG HAIR.


      15. COLLEGE AND HIGH SCHOOL FOOTBALL ARE AS IMPORTANT HERE AS PRO
    BALL, AND
      A LOT MORE FUN TO WATCH.



      16. YEAH, WE HAVE GOLF COURSES. BUT DON'T HIT THE WATER HAZARDS---IT
      SPOOKS THE FISH.



      17. COLLEGES? WE HAVE THEM ALL OVER. WE HAVE STATE UNIVERSITIES,
    COMMUNITY
      COLLEGES, AND VO-TECHS. THEY COME OUT OF THERE WITH AN EDUCATION
    PLUS A
      LOVE OF GOD AND COUNTRY, AND THEY STILL WAVE AT EVERYBODY WHEN
    THEY COME
      HOME FOR THE HOLIDAYS.


      18. WE HAVE A WHOLE TON OF FOLKS IN THE ARMY, NAVY, AIR FORCE, AND
      MARINES.. SO DON'T MESS WITH US. IF YOU DO, YOU WILL GET WHIPPED
    BY THE
      BEST.


      19. TURN DOWN THAT CAR STEREO! THAT THUMPITY-THUMP NOISE AIN'T
      MUSIC, ANYWAY. WE DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT ANYMORE THAN WE WANT TO
    SEE YOUR
      BOXERS. REFER BACK TO #1.


      20. 4 INCHES ISN'T A BLIZZARD-IT'S A FLURRY. DRIVE IN IT LIKE YOU
    HAVE SOME
      SENSE , AND DON'T TAKE ALL THE BREAD, MILK, AND TOILET PAPER FROM THE
      GROCERY STORES. THIS AIN'T ALASKA !! WORST CASE... YOU MAY HAVE TO
    LIVE A
      WHOLE DAY WITHOUT CROISSANTS. OUR PICKUPS WITH SNOW BLADES WILL
    HAVE YOU
      OUT THE NEXT DAY.





     THAT IS ALL!
JMc