Tuesday, December 6, 2011

JESUS DOESN'T PULL FOR NOTRE DAME!



 JESUS DOESN'T PULL FOR NOTRE DAME!



I HEARD HE DIDN'T LIKE THOSE DUMB GOLD HELMETS. GROWING UP WE HAD 4-5 BOWL GAMES ON TV & NOW THERE ARE ALMOST 41.


CAN YOU SAY MONEY!!!!???????.


WE HAD THE ROSE, COTTON, SUGAR, PEACH AND THEN THE ORANGE WAS ADDED.



BOWL SALAD

1 TAKE 2 ORANGES, 2 PEACHES AND BLITZ THEM IN A BLENDER. THERE IS NO RUSH!!


2.ADD COTTON AS FILLER- UNDERWEAR WILL WORK, AS COTTON IS THE FABRIC OF OUR LIVES!


3. ADD 12 CUPS OF SUGAR....IT IS THE TIME FOR OVERINDULGENCE!


4. I PLAYED TAILBACK AT SC...EVERY TIME I WENT TO RUN ON THE FIELD THE COACHES SAID McELVEEN- GET YOUR TAIL BACK ON THE BENCH. ACTUALLY I WAS A QUARTERBACK--WORTH ABOUT A NICKLE TODAY!


5. PUT ROSE ON SIDE AS GARNISH- ACTUALLY--WHY NOT GO OUTSIDE AND SMELL THE ROSES? OR PUT ROSE IN A ROSE BOWL--AR AR


6. THROW ORANGES, PEACHES AND SUGAR INTO A 5 GALLON VAT OF TEQUILA AND THEN JUST LET IT HAPPEN. HAVE A DESIGNATED FILMOGRPHER TYPE PERSON SO THE FESTIVITIES WILL NOT BE FORGOTTEN BY EVERYONE!


OH--THE POINT--NOTRE DAME WAS ABOUT THE ONLY TEAM ON TV WHEN I WAS GROWING UP AND I HATED THEIR STUPID PLAIN GOLD HELMETS. COULDN'T YOU GET  A SHARPIE AND DRAW SOMETHING ON THE SIDE IF THEY COULDN'T AFFORD A STICKER---I MEAN RUDY COULD OF DONE THAT WHILE HE WAS WAITING 3 1/2 YEARS ON THE BENCH TO PLAY AND MAKE A MOVE!




AND FINALLY--THIS ACTUALLY HAPPENED IN BI-LO, OUR CLOSEST GROCERY STORE THAT I NEVER GO TO. I GOT A BIG BAG OF BENEFUL DOG FOOD FOR HOPE, AND A SMALLER BAG OF I'AMS FOR CHEETO HEAD. AS I WAS CHECKING OUT A REALLY NICE LADY LET ME GO AHEAD OF HER AND SHE KNEW THE CASHIER. OF COURSE THEY ASKED ME WHAT KIND AND HOW MANY PETS I HAD.


WHEN I TOLD THEM NONE- THEY LOOKED BEWILDERED--I SAID I AM MAKING TRAIL MIX FOR ALL THE BOWL GAMES. AND THEN PROCEEDED TO TELL THE HOW YOU MICROWAVED 2 PARTS BENEFUL WITH 1 PART I'AMS, SPRINKLE ON GARLIC SALT AND BUTTER AND ADD 1 CAN OF PEANUTS AND 1 OF PRETZELS. I SAID YOU CAN FEED ABOUT 150 GUESTS OVER THE 3 WEEK PERIOD FOR 30.00 DOLLARS AND THEY NEVER KNOW THE DIFFERENCE. INITIALLY THE LOOKS ON THEIR FACES WERE PRICELESS!

I THEN SAID OMGOSH, I ALMOST FORGOT--WOULD YOU MIND IF I RAN AND GOT 6 GALLONS OF MILF , MILK AS THIS ALSO MAKES A GREAT BREAKFAST CEREAL. THAT GAVE IT AWAY!  RIIIIGHT.

THE OFFICER WAS NICE ENOUGH NOT TO HANDCUFF ME. BUT SERIOUSLY, WE ALL LAUGHED AND BONDED AT THE CHECK OUT COUNTER! BUT WE ALL HAD A LAUGH AND CHATTED- IT WASN'T BUSY AND WAS A VERY NICE INTERACTION WITH TWO STRANGERS. THIS IS WHY I DON'T GO TO THAT BI-LO. REMIND ME TO TELL YOU THE CANTALOUPE STORY ONE DAY...IF I CAN PRODUCE IT!!!



SO I HAVE SPREAD MY CHRISTMAS JOY, GOT MY SILLINESS AND BAD PUNS OUT OF THE AY FOR THIS WEEK AND CAN REST EASY!


TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS AND EVERY ONE WAS FEELING MERRY. SO SHE GOT UP AND LEFT. THEN EVERY ONE JUMPED FOR JOY. SHE LEFT TOO!




I DO LOVE YOU ALL!


JMc