This is part and parcel of my journey through life, as seen through my eyes, heart and mind. Scary I know!!- Hopefully this Blog will allow us to Learn & LAUGH, as well as to THINK and QUESTION: Who we are, Where we are heading and Who we are becoming- Join in on my journey?....... Or Not!
GOD BLESS AMERICA; AMERICA, BLESS GOD!
Sunday, April 3, 2011
IT'S A DOG'S WORLD. CAN YOU FIND THE GOAT? THERE IS ONE.
IT'S A DOGS WORLD AFTER ALL: LOOK HOW THEY TRAINED THESE PEOPLE!
CLICK IT!!! I SAID I HAD A ROUGH WEEKEND. (about 4 min Vid--it's about 3 outta 5!)
but it's a good intro into this crap....
So, like I SAID I had a RUFF weekend. It was through the ROOF! But I Clawed and Scratched my way through it. I tried to get some chores done, but I was Barking up the wrong Tree. Seems I'AMs always making things harder than they are. I just can't Lick em' like I used too!
It all started off with a Chocolate Latte Da, and a Beagle, then took my Shitzu. Our Lab stepped on a land mine and has no legs! I call him Cigarette, and always take his Butt out for a drag!
Our German Shepherd was licking his uh...(Macadamia)
when a friend said, "Man' I'd love to do that"!
I said, "You better pet him first!"
(I KNOW IT'S OUR LAB!)
BUT SHEPPY WAS BUSY! plus He's Dead. And Yes- I still CRY!!!!
His name was BANDIT and he lived with us for 17 years! Is that awesome or what!
And NO--He didn't die this weekend--it was about 11 years ago--I just needed a Peeing pic!
THERE'S MY BOY! BANDIT- AKA- SHEPPY! VET CAME TO OUR HOUSE AND PUT HIM TO SLEEP IN MY ARMS...HE NEVER STRUGGLED ONCE, JUST SIGHED AND WENT TO SLEEP!
I also told my friend he could speak... He said BS, so I had to show him.
I said, "Who was the greatest...stop me if you've heard this... BASEBALL Player ever?"
Sheppy said, "RUTH!"
Still not convinced, I said "What are those shingles on?"
Sheppy said, "Roof!"
Ever the skeptic (and retard), I still had to prove it to this guy! I said, "How is the weather?"
Sheppy said, "What, did you want me to say, Joe Dimaggio?" rim shot...this was 7th Grade Folks!
Our Yellow Lab, Hope ran up to me barking..and playing along: I said, "What is it girl, is Timmy trapped in the well AGAIN?
She kept BARKING....
I said, "Did Mommy step on the rake and smack the crap out of her forehead AGAIN?".....
SHE REALLY BARKED LOUDER...thinking she was really playing along I said,
en enhhhh eee ee uhhhhh uh e e eeee eeehhhuuhhhuuu uhh ahhhhhh (Flipper Noises for ,
"Is Dad trapped in a cave w/o air AGAIN, with Lobsters pointing to him for the Matre'D to choose "THAT ONE"for supper?"
THEN SHE SHAT ON THE FLOOR. SHE'S CAN'T TALK LIKE SHEPPY!!
SO I PUT MY HELMET ON AND TOOK HER OUTSIDE FOR A DRAG! IT WAS THE LEASH I COULD DO!
I don't know why I did that because she had already done her business! I yelled, Baby--Your dog made a mess! CUT TO 2 WEEKS LATER: WHAT HAPPENS WHEN WIFE CALLS YOUR BLUFF.
MORTON'S SWEET 16?
Ok-- truthfully--how many Of you actually made those Flipper noises???
HERE'S YOUR HELMET!!!
Then I had to go to Wally World to take the next installment pics of PeoPLe of Walmart--WHAT???You Look!!!! So I decided to play a joke. I put on a pair of dark glasses, and put a home-made harness on Dead Sheppy, and went in pretending to be blind, dragging Him behind me.......
When I reached the Middle of the Store I picked him up and started swinging him around in a bigger and bigger circle, by his leash. I swear I kept HEARING, Mickey Mantle?, Roger Maris?, Tripper Jones?, each time he came around...... mess me up with Retard Al, HUH???- I'll teach ta!!
A Manger ran up to me and asked if he could help me....thinking MEGA LAWSUIT CITY...as if they aren't already in enough trouble for discrimination......
and I said calmly;
"NO THANKS, I'M JUST LOOKING AROUND!"
Hey--it's STILL Funny!!!! And I had a Bad weekend, OK!
So this Rottweiler, Pekingese, and a Scallop were in a shower.
The Rottweiler drops the soap and say's, "Would you please hand me the soap?"
The Scallop says, "What do you think I am ? A Typewriter?"
OK- That's one of those you absolutely have to be there for, but I'm imagining the looks on your faces right now! Isn't this fun?
WHO WILL BE THE NEW VOICE NOW THAT GILBERT GOTTFRIED GOT FIRED?
HE HAS: GOT FIRED IN HIS LAST NAME! AND HE DESERVES IT DUE TO HIS TASTELESS JOKES HE TWEETED RE: JAPAN.