Wednesday, August 25, 2010

IT MAY BE TIME TO LEAVE THE US--FOR DIFFERENT REASONS THAN YOU THINK!


SNAKE WARNING!

These were sent to me recently. Having one is not so weird--having 2 is getting a little strange. I don't know if these people know of my wife's ABSOLUTE FEAR of snakes or not--(SHE CAN'T EVEN SEE ONE ON TV!!!!), but she doesn't see these E-Mails- so they are not working!

(Actually- I send them to her and just listen for the scream of terror from the other room! I can actually watch her recoil (ar ar) in horror : Ohhhhh--IT'S THE LITTLE THINGS..............)

This is what happens after I send a Snake pic to my wife! She does this to me! Pic: courtesy of an e-mail: source unknown.

This is Us leaving US! Like how that played out-- Us Leaving US......oh well....and see little Johann Bonzai Jr.....I call him  my "Little Bucket List Child"! (This was sent by friend from Fla!- entitled "Bucket Seats"- Do you remember what they were?"- Thanks harley!!!!!!!!!! Also the Kangaroo pic was sent in that e-mail. Source unknown.

RATTLESNAKE WARS!

These words were included in E-MAIL WITH PIC.. Source of Pic unknown.
Subject: Fw: 10 ft Rattlesnake killed near Chiefland, Fl.

"Look at the size of the snake's head! 
I don't think that those boots would have kept this snake's fangs from getting through to his calf or, it would have struck him way above the top of those boots . . . strike zone would be somewhere close to his navel!
          This is not a "doctored" photograph.
This rattlesnake was killed right on the edge of our hunting club outside Chiefland, Fl. on Wednesday July 28th
9.7 ft long and over 100  lbs.... confirmed ........."  Picture:SOURCE UNKNOWN- WAS IN E-MAIL.

Me: "I used to Hunt near this area as a child and saw many a Rattlesnake.. I saw NOTHING like this!" I have seen several as big as a grown man's forearm, and six feet in length!

And Now for something completely the same!
Brown stain missing from back of Short Pants of Occccifer!!!
  Fang you very much!

15 foot Eastern Diamondback rattlesnake. Largest ever caught on record.
After seeing this, I did a little research, and learned the following:
One bite from a snake this large contains enough venom to kill over 40 full grown men.
The head alone is larger than the hand of a normal sized man.
This snake was probably alive when George H. W. Bush was President.
A bite from those fangs would equal being penetrated by two  1/4 inch screwdrivers.
A snake this size could easily swallow a 2 year-old child.
A snake this size has an approximately 5 and 1/2 foot accurate striking distance. (The distance for an average size Rattlesnake is about 2 feet)
Judging by the size of the snake, it is estimated to weigh over 170 pounds. How much do you weigh? 

The above info was included in the Other e-mail I received from a friend from Texas!

IS THIS A SNAKE CONSPIRACY???? ARE THESE ILLEGAL RATTLESNAKES SNEAKING ACROSS OUR BORDER? DID THEY OR DID THEY NOT USE PERFORMANCE ENHANCING DRUGS IN THE MINOR LEAGUES. SSSSSTRIKE ONE!  LOL--I SO PUNNY!

 SO WHAT DO WE DO?

OF COURSE I HAVE A SOLUTION! I DON'T POST COUNTRY ABANDONING A PERFECTLY RUN DOWN COUNTRY WITHOUT A SOLUTION!!!

SOLUTION: NEVER- AND I MEAN NEVER: 

KILL A BLACK SNAKE!

WHY?  JUST WATCH!!!!!! 

OH THANK YOU HERO JOHN....WILL YOU BE OUR NEXT                     
EL PRESIDENTE?..SORRY: PRESIDENT?.......  FREUDIAN SLIP! 



AND THIS IS THE BEST I CAN DO!
MY BLACK SNAKE- (YES I HAVE PICKED THE ABSOLUTE WORST PIC I COULD OF THIS LITTLE PENCIL NECKED GEEK) WHO WAS MAYBE 3 1/2 FEET LONG AND AS BIG AROUND AS A SMALL MOP HANDLE! But I was close!!!!!

AND MY WATER SAKE; WHILE LOOKING IMPRESSIVE, IS ABOUT 3 FEET LONG, AND AS BIG AROUND AS A SHOVEL HANDLE. But I was close!

I DO NOT GIVE MY SNAKES STEROIDS; ALTHOUGH I MUST START! BEFORE THE GIANT RATTLERS ARRIVE IN SC!!!!

MY WIFE LEAVING ME AT AN ATM AFTER SHOWING HER ALL THESE SNAKE PICS! (not really)