Sunday, July 11, 2010

WHERE I HAIL FROM



Map of Florida
 Finally, a true map of Florida that explains this weird, but wonderful state. Those of you who live in Florida will recognize it, and those who don’t have been warned !!!

I LIVE IN CENTRAL FL, NEAR THE GULF COAST---TAMPA-- I LIVE IN PLANT CITY-- IN THE FRUIT GROVE AND MORE REDNECKS AREA--JUST A FEW MILES FROM CULTURE, IN TAMPA. AS A MATTER OF FACT- SOME CULTURE DID RUB OFF ON THIS RED NECK--BUT NOT ENOUGH TO MAKE ME USE "GOOD CHINA".

SORRY IF I JUST DASHED ALL  OR ANY ROMANTIC NOTIONS RE: JOHN--BUT ARE ONCE AND FOR ALL: DISPELLED. 


 FOR I , I AM A MAN! I'M COMING OUT!
besides the Background on where I lived the first 17-1/2 years of my life I came to Columbia, SC, and turned 18 attending the University of South Carolina!



I'd leave the toilet seat up all the time-IF
  she'd let me! 


I don't take the trash out the EXACT moment she wants it out!!!!!--
I turn down the volume first & then PUT on my slippers...on my terms!!!!!

 
I don't pick up stuff from the grocery store on the way home!
I can't believe ERA was buy on get on free--and she didn't pick  it up at that price!--you almost by 2 of them for those savings.................I mean it's not LIKE we're NOT gonna use it are we.............................?  dun dun dun--yep-- the sh*** about to hit the proverbial fan music.

omg--maybe he's trying to tell me something

like


HONEY DO YOU WANT A DIVORCE

WT. ????? What?

Just how long do you plan on being here?

HOW DO YOU ANSWER THIS"?"  HOW????? YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHERE THE QUESTION EVEN CAME FROM?????

What do you mean honey?

You know good and well what I mean, Mr. Don't play stupid with me..You can figure Pot Odds on pocket queen's with q j j on the flop, and decide whether to come over the top for 4k on one hand and you are asking ME why I didn't pick up laundry detergent when it was on sale? So how long have you been planning on leaving me? Who is she? Is she the Blockbuster chick?

We use Netflicks!

Oh,  so there's two of them now?

Two what?

Two--Movie Bimbo's.

What-- they aren't real- they're Virtual Bimbos"!!!

Oh-- so this isn't a real affair-- It's a Virtual Affair?

What AFFAIR????

And finally you fiqured out initially-- between the miscommunication above--it seems John had sucessfully pulled off what is know as Total Harmonic Distortion:

Used to be used as a measure of Electrical Components--This now directly correlates with a man to completely, not hear, remember and be able to pass a lie detector test--because you Literally--WEREN'T THERE technology of "BUT, I DIDN'T HEAR WHAT SHE SAID"   !!!!!!"*

*admissible in some courts of law

THIS MIND BENDING TECHNOLOGY AVAILABLE TO CONSUMERS SOON.

WHAT HE DIDN'T HEAR WAS his dutiful wife ask:- 

WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR SUPPER?

AND IT ALMOST COST HIM HIS LIFE.


NO--!! DON'T TRY--DON'T REREAD IT--IT STILL WON'T MAKE ANY SENSE, AND TRUST ME!!  YOU DID NOT MISS ANYTHING!!!!"
LOVE YOU ALL!

This Large basket will carry work crews from the roadside of the dam...to the 5 Intakes towers that lets the water through. it is 300 feet to the bottom of the Towers.

You can see the Baskets wires up top. The Fish really hang around the combination of Rip-Rap--the larges rocks--and the Towers awesome size!

SMOKESTACK ACROSS HIGHWAY FOR COAL BURNING POWER--WE LIKE THE CLEANER WATER GENERATED STUFF!
Lake Murray Blues





You know you're a Floridian if....

Socks are only for bowling.

You never use an umbrella because you know the rain will be over in five minutes.

A good parking place has nothing to do with distance from the store, but everything to do with shade.

Your winter coat is made of denim.

You can tell the difference between fire ant bites and mosquito bites.

You're younger than thirty but some of your friends are over 65.

Anything under 70 degrees is chilly.

You've driven through Yeehaw Junction.

You know that no other grocery store can compare to Publix.

Every other house in your neighborhood had blue roofs in 2004-2005.

  
You know that anything under a Category 3 just isn't worth waking up for.

You dread love bug season.

You are on a first name basis with the Hurricane list. They aren't Hurricane Charley or Hurricane Frances. You know them as Andrew, Charley, Frances , Ivan, Jeanne & Wilma...Irene...Cheryl...Rita Mary..Alison


You know what a snowbird is and when they'll leave.


You think a six-foot alligator is actually pretty average.

'Down South' means Key West

Flip-flops are everyday wear. Shoes are for business meetings and church, but you HAVE worn flip flops to church before.

You have a drawer full of bathing suits, and one sweatshirt.

You get annoyed at the tourists who feed seagulls.

A mountain is any hill 100 feet above sea level.

You know the four seasons really are: Hurricane season, love bug season, tourist season and summer.

You've hosted a hurricane party.

You can pronounce Okeechobee, Kissimmee, Withlacoochee, Thonotosassa and Micanopy.

You understand why it's better to have a friend with a boat, than have a boat yourself.

You were 25 when you first met someone who couldn't swim.

You've worn shorts and used the A/C on Christmas and New Years.

You recognize Miami-Dade as 'Northern Cuba.'

You not only forward this, but you understand it.