Monday, January 11, 2010

TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US !!!!

TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US !!!!
>   
>      An elderly Floridian called 911 on her cell phone to report
>      that her car has been broken into. She is hysterical as she
>      explains her situation to the dispatcher: 'They've
>      stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake pedal and
>      even the accelerator!' she cried. The dispatcher said,
>      'Stay calm. An officer is on the way.' A few minutes
>      later, the officer radios in 'Disregard.' He says..
>      'She got in the back-seat by mistake.'
>   
>   
>   
>      TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US !!
>   
>   
> ______________________________________________________________________
> __
>   
>   
>      Three sisters, ages 92, 94 and 96, live in a house
>      together. One night the 96-year-old draws a bath. She puts
>      her foot in and pauses. She yells to the other sisters,
>      'Was I getting in or out of the bath?' The
>      94-year-old yells back, 'I don't know. I'll come
>      up and see.' She starts up the stairs and pauses
>      'Was I going up the stairs or down? The 92-year-old is
>      sitting at the kitchen table having tea listening to her
>      sisters, she shakes her head and says, 'I sure hope I
>      never get that forgetful, knock on wood..' She then
>      yells, 'I'll come up and help both of you as soon as
>      I see who's at the door.'
>   
>   
>      TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US !!!!
>   
>   
> ______________________________________________________________________
> __
>   
>   
>   
>      'I CAN HEAR JUST FINE!'
>   
>      Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf
>      one fine March day. One remarked to the other, 'Windy,
>      isn't it?' 'No,' the second man replied,
>      'it's Thursday.' And the third man chimed in,
>      'So am I. Let's have a beer.'
>   
>   
>   
>      TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US !!!!
>   
>   
> ______________________________________________________________________
> _
>   
>      A little old lady was running up and down the halls in a
>    nursing home. As she walked, she would flip up the hem of
>      her nightgown and say 'Supersex.' She walked up to
>      an elderly man in a wheelchair.. Flipping her gown at him,
>      she said, 'Supersex.' He sat silently for a moment
>      or two and finally answered, 'I'll take the
>      soup.'
>   
>   
>   
>      TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US !!!!
>   
>   
> ____________________________________________________________________
>   
>      Now this one is just too Precious...LOL!
>   
>      Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over
>      the years, they had shared all kinds of activities and
>      adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to
>    meeting a few times a week to play cards.
>   
>      One day, they were playing cards when one looked at the
>      other and said, 'Now don't get mad at me ... I know
>      we've been friends for a long time, but I just can't
>      think of your name! I've thought And thought, but I
>      can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is..
>   
>      Her friend glared at her for at least three minutes she
>      just stared and glared at her. Finally she said, 'How
>      soon do you need to know?'
>   
>   
>   
>      TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US !!!!
>   
>   
>   
>   
> ______________________________________________________________________
> _
>   
>      SENIOR DRIVING
>   
>      As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car
>      phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice
>      urgently warning him, 'Herman, I just heard on the news
>      that there's a car going the wrong way on Interstate 77.
>      Please be careful!' 'Heck,' said Herman,
>      'It's not just one car. It's hundreds of  them!'
>   
>   
>      TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US !!!!
>   
> _________________________________________________________________
>   
>   
>      DRIVING
>   
>      Two elderly women were out driving in a large car - both
>      could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising
>      along, they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red,
>      but they just went on through. The woman in the passenger
>      seat thought to herself 'I must be losing it. I could
>      have sworn we just went Through a red light.'
>   
>      After a few more minutes, they came to another intersection
>      and the light was red. Again, they went right through. The
>      woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light
>      had been red but was really concerned that she was losing
>      it. She was getting nervous.
>   
>      At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was red
>      and they went on through. So, She turned to the other woman
>      and said, 'Mildred, did you know that we just ran
>      through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us
>      both!'
>   
>      Mildred turned to her and said, 'Oh, crap, am I driving?'
>   
>   
>   
>      TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US !!!!
>   
 
>     
> ________________________________