Sunday, May 3, 2009

COWS PISSED---PIGS GETTING ALL THE ATTENTION: SWINE FLU

Cows are mad. And rightly so says, M.R. Bull, self appointed spokesperson for Bovines everywhere. The Government can track down one cow, to the state, and stall for Mad Cow Disease but cannot pinpoint the Ground Zero Pig for the "Swine FLU". And they even changed the name to N1H1- sounds ACLU ish to me!

In a swift response the Government replied, 'We have tracked down the swine that was responsible for the outbreak of Swi---N1H1 in Mexico. We wanted to wait until all the relatives were notified via Ham operators before releasing his name. It seems one Arnold Ziffle of Hooterville, USA, now retired movie star admitted he first porked the chicken and then the Farmer--well details are sketchy here, suffice it to say Mr. Ziffle admitted to being the Middle Man in this possible pandemic. When told, Arnold replied, "I don't care how you say it- but PAN- demic doesn't sound too good to a Pig or a Chicken!"

News would have gotten out sooner but Mr Douglas could not get to the top of the telephone pole due to his bad hip to call and report the illness. Seems Uncle Joe did NOT catch the Swine flu as "He was movin' kinda slow!" Uncle Joe doesn't "catch" most anything theses days, said his 3 nieces from inside a Watertank in town.

WHO, said Horton, had not heard of the outbreak spokesperson for the World Health Organization replied. More updates as they become available from Petticoat Junction, Mexico.

Further reports blame the spread to the US, on Spring Breakers in Cancun. One of the early stages of the disease was profuse sweating: almost as if water had been poured on a thin tee shirt. With all those people packed into one area, transmission was inevitable. Another early diagnostic clue were women on top of men's shoulders, who flashed their breast while shouting Whoooooooooooooooooo! The WHO (World Health Organization) states that although they are just finding out about N1H1, stated they have heard of this type of outbreak in all areas of the world; and labeled it "College Girls Gone Crazy", in outbreaks as early as 1989. Now said Horton, "I personally will take a closer look into this Outbreak."

No deaths have been reported in the US, however a drastic decline in consumption of BBQ sandwich's, and Ham biscuits had dropped off dramatically. Stay tuned for further info and another PSO...right here on Full-on-Forward.

John