Saturday, June 21, 2008

LAUGH, LAUGH & LAUGH SOME MORE!!!!!

TIME TO CHANGE THE WINDOW?




Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked,
"How old was your husband?" "98," she replied.
"Two years older than me"
"So you're 96," the undertaker commented.
She responded, "Hardly worth going home, is it?

Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman:
"And what do you think is the best thing
About being 104?" the reporter asked.
She simply replied, "No peer pressure."

The nice thing about being senile is
You can hide your own Easter eggs.

I've sure gotten old!
I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement,
New knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes
I'm half blind,
Can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine,
Take 40 different medications that
Make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts.
Have bouts with dementia.
Have poor circulation;
Hardly feel my hands and feet anymore.
Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92.
Have lost all my friends. But, thank God,
I still have my driver's license.


I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape,
So I got my doctor's permission to
Join a fitness club and start exercising.
I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors.
I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But,
By the time I got my leotards on,
The class was over.

An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and
Told her preacher she had two final requests.
First, she wanted to be cremated, and second,
She wanted her ashes scattered over Wal-Mart.
"Wal-Mart?" the preacher exclaimed.
"Why Wal-Mart?"
"Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week"

My memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.

Know how to prevent sagging?
Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.

It's scary when you start making the same noises
As your coffee maker.

These days about half the stuff
In my shopping cart says,
"For fast relief."

THE SENILITY PRAYER :
Grant me the senility to forget the people
I never liked anyway,
The good fortune to run into the ones I do, and
The eyesight to tell the difference.

Now, I think you're supposed to share this with 5 or 6, maybe 10 others. Oh heck, give it to a bunch of your friends if you can remember who they are!

Always Remember This:
You don't stop laughing because you grow old,
You grow old because you stop laughing.

3 comments:

  1. hahahah! I can relate to those so I had better start taking better care of myself!

    Stll have a drivers license! Bwhahaha!

    Sorry I can take no credit for these!

    Thanks for the mention on the last ones! I wonder what other drunken gems are out there that I forgot about ;)

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  2. That stained glass is priceless. I wonder if the artist was an abused alter boy or something.

    These are hilarious. I'm not quite there yet but I'm glad that I won't have to lose my sense of humour.

    And isn't it cool to know who actually wrote a gem? I always wonder about that.

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  3. Shoot me when I start making the same noises as my coffee maker! Seriously. :)

    Good ones, Juan! I can always count on a smile or a chuckle whenever I pop in.

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Incredibly smart relies: