Thursday, January 31, 2008
After nearly 45 years of marriage, a couple was lying
in bed one evening, when the misses felt her husband
begin to fondle her in ways he hadn't in quite some time.
It almost tickled as his fingers started at her neck,
and then began moving down past the small of her back.
He then caressed her shoulders and neck, slowly
worked his hand down over her breasts, stopping just
over her lower stomach.
He then proceeded to place his hand on her left inner
arm, caressed past the side of her breast again,
working down her side, passed gently over her buttock
and down her leg to her calf.
Then, he proceeded up her inner thigh, stopping just
a t the uppermost portion of her leg. He continued in
the same manner on her right side, then suddenly
stopped, rolled over and became silent.
As she had become quite aroused by this caressing, she
asked in a loving voice, "Honey, that was wonderful.
Why did you stop?"
I found the remote," he mumbled.
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
Day 2, 12 hrs. = 124 patients. Usually we average about 100 a day
Day 2 correction- 154 patients!!!!
Day 3, 12 hrs. 146 patients- 8-10 with Positive Influenza A.
We should be on the Weather Channel soon LOL.
Fixing to go in for my 3rd 12 and then weeeeeee- 4 days off!! I did this before (3 12's in a row) and it about killed me. Now I work Monday and Tuesday and have every Wed off and work work alternating Thursday's or Friday depending on what week for my 36 hrs. That is considered full time.
The new job opening would involve a pay raise and killer hours. I would essentially kiss every ones butt to make their visit to Urgent Care as easy as possible. I can schmooze really well(after many many years of BS) I can maybe finally use it! It's called Guest Services and you are responsible for all the Volunteers (pink ladies) Lord bless them. Taking care of the entire buildings Dr's lounge/Lunches.
Basically you just run around putting out fires. I could still do some clinical if the needed me in back. For those of you who Pray- Please do so- it would be an awesome change in the same Hospital System!
Sunday, January 27, 2008
That's because you're good at going with the flow - but you also are deep.
Highly intuitive, you tune in to people's emotions and moods easily.
You are able to tap into deep emotional connections and connect with others.
You prefer a smooth, harmonious life - but you can navigate your way around waves.
You have a knack for getting people to get along and making life a little more peaceful.
and my own self-assessment:
1. HEARING WATER MAKES YOU REALLY REALLY HAVE TO PEE!
2. I CAN PEE ON BOTH FEET AT THE SAME TIME. SO I DON'T REAAAAALLLLHHHHEHEEHHEHEEEEE GO WITH THE FLOW.
3. AN EXAMPLE OF A DEEP EMOTIONAL CONNECTION WITH SOMEONE:
"EXACTLY HOW LONG HAS THE BOIL BEEN ON YOUR LEFT BUTT CHECK?" FOLLOWED WITH DEEP THOUGHT IN THE FORM OF A QUESTION...... "HURT?"
HIGHLY INTUITIVE I KNOW WHEN TO STOP WHEN ARGU-- TALKING WITH MY WIFE.
4. I'M BOTH LIGHTHEARTED AND SERIOUS. AS IN SAYING "SERIOUS AS A HEART ATTACK- WHILE HAVING MY FINGERS CROSSED BEHIND MY BACK.
I TOLD A LADY (RN) AT WORK THE OTHER DAY WHO DOES NOT HAVE CABLE OR DISH/DIRECTv- THAT IN 2009 SHE WOULD HAVE TO BUY HD REYNOLDS WRAP FOR HER TV's RABBIT EARS! (I really did!)
5. I CAN NAVIGATE AROUND WAVES- AND WACS TOO. EVEN THOUGH I LIKE MY WOMEN TO HAVE PEANUT BUTTER LEGS.....
BROWN, SMOOTH AND EASY TO SPREAD- Did you actually think I would not leave at least one disgusting "OMG JOHN" out of an entire post?
6. MY KNACK FOR LEAVING THE WORLD A LITTLE BETTER AND MORE PEACEFUL IS AT A PARTY TO SAY- THE HOLOCAUST NEVER HAPPENED, I THINK WE NEED AN AFRICAN AMERICAN FEMALE LIBERAL PRESIDENT, BAN PARTIAL BIRTH ABORTION AND BUILD UP OUR NUCLEAR ARSENAL? - YOU?"-
THEN TURN ABRUPTLY WAVE AT SOMEONE ACROSS THE ROOM AND LEAVE!
Friday, January 25, 2008
THIS 5:33 SECOND VIDEO COULD POSSIBLY CHANGE YOUR LIFE. A POWERFUL SKIT/DRAMA TO SHOW PEOPLE WHAT JESUS DID FOR US AND WHAT I BELIEVE HE STILL OFFERS US.
You know what guys....we need a change of attitude, direction and probably well...underware.
we all rant and rave and express opinions but what do we actually DO? Do my actions speak so loudly that you can barely hear what I'm saying? And I'm talking mostly about myself. At the end of the day...have I made a difference.
Thankfully, most days I can say YES!!! Why? Because I go to work to serve and love and truly try to help and heal people. I get jaded and cynical like everyone- but I start new with each patient I come in contact with. And sometimes that's 100 a day! Sick, whiny, snotty nose, Doo-Doo covered, tick infested, MRSA and TB carrying patients.
And then there are the yucky ones! We won't even mention them- :-)!! I love my job!!! And I'm proud of the skills I have acquired to serve our community! I just wonder : if we reach down next week.....way down into our pockets: if we could pull a Little LIFE OF SPRING out in the dead of winter. Could we next Monday all vow to go to work next week to make a difference, somehow- anyhow, in some one's, any one's life?
That's my Challenge. I DOUBLE DOG DARE YOU TO DO IT! Take in some coffee and bagels for the crew. Give a compliment to someone you hate- (MAKE IT REAL). Ask Susie How she's doing- NO NO_ REALLY ask her=---then take lunch and listen. Smile and say thank you every chance you get. If you say Thank You to someone- it is almost physically impossible for them not to smile if saying Your Welcome. Go ahead- try it.
What are we waiting on? THE GOVERNMENT_ HELLO_ we are!!!! the Government! It's got to change in the homes first guys and gals- then spread to Church, Scholls, Work, Government Buildings. And who knows--maybe..just maybe in another 20 years! IT'S GOT TO BE A GRASS ROOTS MOVEMENT, and if it starts with a random act of kindness.................................................
ONE NATION:UNDER GOD
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
When God uses you, He usually tests you too. We are being severely tested - both Physically and Financially. We have almost paid off ALL the medical bills from my Bypass Surgery and the my recent "Stint" in the Hospital for Angioplasty. YEAH~!!!!!!! We are working extremely hard towards our goal of land and a New home.
We are renting at 300.00 a month!!! That is almost unheard of and is a blessing in itself--but we recently had a major water leak and cabinets, floor etc were soaked. Since we are in drought conditions, -20+ inches below normal in SC we haven't had a chance to know how long it has been leaking. MAJOR structural damage to outside wall and inside flooring.
PRAYER REQUESTS: Of course God's will to be done first and foremost- always! But we are responsible for doing and being proactive as well.
1. That the Landlord will want to fix it instead of Bulldoze the place down. It is actually quite comfortable and homey and a great place to live. And at 300 bucks!!!!!! (We just finished paying off a Bankruptcy after 7 years (Medical) !!!! YEAH!!!!! but the credit app still "Looks" a little ugly" and we need to fix that- our lawyer died in the meantime.
2. Wisdom concerning moving verses staying etc.
3. SCHOOL Track for me- I keep getting STUCK at entering the Clinical phase of Nursing, so I'm thinking of switching degrees and going for BS and into administration, Human resources, Nursing Informatics-(relatively new field marrying technology and nursing.) I still have 20 plus good years left in me!!
4. Health for my wife- recent MRI shows bulging disc at C-67 with Nerve Impingement........her disc is hitting a nerve and it' hurts like hades and is so painful she's in tears a lot. A recent visit to a Neurosurgeon was a nightmare- she said it was inoperable and thought my wife was drug seeking, which is sooo far wrong it's not funny. True she wants out of pain, but she has One Dr. , has never been to the ER for this etc. So what we thought was a blessing..get her fixed and she wants to go back to work- another roadblock.
I guess that's it. I do want to say that we are NOT down and depressed about this- (any more than normal anyway) and we know that no matter what things will all work out. We would just like some prayer support as we are kinda beaten down and beaten up a little and want to continue to move forward with our lives! With the market so right for land and homes right now.....well a financial miracle would be awesome-LOL!!!
But we are taking the steps for the credit report thingy- we have Zero debt--zip, nada...except for the medical bills and you know they will take $5-10.00 a month forever, so that's no problem.
I guess I just needed to vent, back up and take a deep breath, look at the big picture etc. We are not asking or begging for anything, we just want to make wise and sound decisions and both of us believe STRONGLY in the power of United prayer, guidance and direction!
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Sunday, January 20, 2008
Saturday, January 19, 2008
I bought a new Lexus 330 but returned to the dealer the next day because I couldn't get the radio to work. The salesman explained that the radio was voice activated. "Nelson," the salesman said to the radio.
The Radio replied, "Ricky or Willie?"
"Willie!" he continued and "On The Road Again" came from the speakers.
Then he said, "Ray Charles!", and in an instant "Georgia On My Mind" replaced Willie Nelson.
I drove away happy, and for the next few days, every time I'd say, "Beethoven," I'd get beautiful classical music. If I said, "Beatles," I'd get one of their awesome songs. Yesterday, a driver ran a red light and nearly creamed my new Lexus, but I swerved in time to avoid him. I yelled, "Ass Hole!"
Immediately Hail-to-the-Chief began playing.
I LOVE THIS CAR!
Thursday, January 17, 2008
I knew they would finally release the ingredients in Viagra!
3% Vitamin E
1% Ma HUANG
5% Spray Starch
If Viagra doesn't work- Go Ci-alis!
WARNING- This turns into a mini-rant!
We also had a beautiful SNOW event in Lexington last night. It snowed huge wet flakes that covered the ground for several hours until it changed to rain and melted. There were some school and business delays this am but thankfully NO travel problems. We usually only get Ice and power outages. I know it's no big deal to some but maybe once a year in SC we get a little snow.
It was extra cool (he he) that it came and went with no power or travel problems! Also this weekend I think it's going to be 19 degrees too! I'll probably take a quick shower and run out and lay naked on the dirt road and see what freezes! May not need the Viagra- course It may be Turtle Time with some probably serious serious shrinkage--but it's for show only after 25 years of marriage. Kinda like a Peacock- "he he he h eh he he said cock" Beavis voice.....this concludes my pre-pubescent post and I'll now return to adulthood.
My Right Big Toe hurts so bad as I recently found out I have the friggin' gout and have been standing and working 12 hour shifts and eating Motrin. I finally found out my Uric Acid had been climbing for the past 18 weeks. (During my routine labs while I took the freakin' Tuberculosis Preventative INH meds because I work around 3rd World immigrants who frequent our Urgent Scare. The Health Dept Nurse is awesome, but whle picking up my last bottle she said "Oh, by the way.........Your Uric acid has been going up for the past 18 weeks!!!! I'm on Allopurinol now and it should feel better soon! Last Tuesday a patient came in in a wheelchair with the toe cut out of his shoe screaming for a pain shot for Gout in his Big toe. I hit him in the head with a clipboard and took his vitals and limped off! -I'm working 12 hours and your crying! Course it is supposed so painful you can hardly stand it so I may just have a mild case. Even though my Uric Acid is 10.6 and normal is less than 5.5 ! Ok- enough about how macho I am! LOL.- OK back to the TB- sounds like a Bad Law firm- Phlegm-Lugee & Hocker! Oh I just grossed my own self out! I don't do sputum at all! Trauma, Blood and beer, feces, vomit- No problemo---but Lung Boogers- OMG I gotta quit!
Hey- I love em and they deserve care too- 98% of them are LEGAL residents and very hard workers and contribute greatly to our local economy and tax base. As well as sharing their Tuberculosis with us! I don't HAVE TB- thank the Lord the X-ray was OK- but I had to take the preventative. My toe had been hurting for about 4 years since I jerked a wooden pallet into it while working retail- stocking @ Kohl's for 6.50 an hour from 10:00 pm until 6:00 am- locked in the Department store. Putting up Vacuum Cleaners, Plates, Clothes, pricing sale items, unloading tucks. Hence the pallet!!!! So I thought it was just like Uncle Arthur had moved into my Toe due to my stupidity & since Motrin completely stopped the pain I didn't really think "Gout" specifically.
It's amazing what you can and will do when you swallow your pride and it doesn't fill your belly-- and Hunger is a phenomenal Motivator! I loved the experience and you do what you have to do for the family! I begged for jobs for a year, but there really weren't any. I honestly could not get hired at Fast Food restaurants!!!!! I had quit working for the Dr. I worked for for 10 years and wanted to go back to the ER and school. Note to self: NEVER QUIT A JOB BEFORE YOU HAVE ANOTHER ONE!
Why am I writing all this??? I don't know either but it felt good and cathartic. Which is akin to a giant Fart. Sorry- I digress again. But my pants fit better now. My dogs pissed....but hers will kill small children! OK- that's about it. I have some really cool posts- (I think they are) coming up and I'll probably do just one a day- so keep popping in.
I Love all my Cyber buddies and hope every one has a great weekend coming up!
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
Tips for an Exceptional, Superb & Powerful Life!
1.) Take a 10-30 minute walk every day. And while
you walk, smile. It is the ultimate
2.) Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day.
Buy a lock if you have to.
3.) Buy a Tivo (DVR), tape your late night shows and
get more sleep.
4.) When you wake up in the morning complete the
followin g statement, 'My purpose is to________
5.) Live with the 3 E's -- Energy, Enthusiasm, and
6.) Watch more movies, play more games and read more
books than you did last year.
7.) Always pray and make time to exercise.
8.) Spend more time with people over the age of 70
and under the age of Six.
9.) Dream more while you are awake.
10.) Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants
and eat less foods that are manufactured in
11.) Drink green tea and plenty of water. Eat
blueberries, wild Alaskan salmon, broccoli , almonds
12.) Try to make at least three people smile each day.
13.) Clear your clutter from your house, your car,
your desk and let new and flowing energy into your
14.) Don't waste your precious energy on gossip, < BR>energy vampires, issues of the past, negative
thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead,
invest your energy in the positive present moment.
15.) Realize that life is a school and you are here
to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum
that appear and fade away like algebra class
.......but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.
16.) Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince
and dinner like a college kid with a maxed out charge
17.) Smile and laugh more. It will keep the energy
18.) Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
19.) Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
20.) Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else
21.) You don't have to win every argument. Agree to
22.) Make peace with your past so it won't screw up
23.) Don't compare your life to others'. You have no
idea what their journey is all about.
24.) Ladies - Go on and burn those 'special' scented
candles, use the 600 thread count sheets, the good
china and wear our fancy lingerie now. Stop waiting
for a special occasion. Everyday is special.
25.) No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
26.) Frame every so-called disaster with these
words: 'In five years, will this matter?'
27.) Forgive everyone for everything.
28.) What other people think of you is none of your
29.) Time heals almost everything. Give time, time!
30.) However good or bad a situation is, it will
31.) Your job won't take care of you when you are
sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch with them.
32.) Get rid of anything that isn't useful,
beautiful or joyful.
33.) E nvy is a waste of time. You already have all
you need. God provides remember?!
34.) The best is yet to come. (in Heaven)
35.) No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show
36.) Do the right thing!
37.) Call your family often.
38.) Each night before you go to bed complete the
following statements: 'I am thankful for __________.'
Today I accomplished _________.
39.) Remember that you are too blessed to be stressed.
40.) Enjoy the ride. Remember that this is not
Disney World and you certainly don't want a fast
pass. You only have one ride through life so make
the most of it and enjoy the ride.
LIVE, LOVE, LAUGH. LIFE'S A GIFT ... UNWRAP IT!
Have a Blessed day. Please share with friends!
T.G.I.F. - TODAY GOD IS FIRST
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
2. RIGHT BEFORE A SOUTHERN THUNDERSTORM
3. A BREAM BED (FISHY BUT MEANS GOOD EATING)
4. FRESHLY POWDERED BABY'S BEHIND
5. MY WIFES VANILLA LACE!
6. FRYING BACON- (ALMOST ANY GREAT KITCHEN SMELL)
7. COFFEE IN THE MORNING
8. PUPPY BREATH
9. THAT NEW CAR SMELL THAT YOU DON'T OWN- AND DECIDED NOT TO MAKE PAYMENTS ON!
10. ANY AND ALL OF GOD'S FLOWERS- ESP...GARDENIAS!
Monday, January 14, 2008
Tequila and Salt
This should probably be taped to your bathroom mirror
where you could read it every day.
You may not realize it, but it's 100% true.
1. There are at least two people in this world
that you would die for.
2. At least 15 people in this world
love you in some way.
3. The only reason anyone would ever hate you
is because they want to be just like you.
4. A smile from you can bring happiness to anyone,
even if they don't like you.
5. Every night, SOMEONE thinks about you
before they go to sleep.
6. You mean the world to someone.
7. You are special and unique.
8. Someone that you don't even know exists loves you.
9. When you make the biggest mistake ever,
something good comes from it.
10 When you think the world has turned its back on you
take another look.
11 Always remember the compliments you received.
Forget about the rude remarks.
And always remember....
when life hands you Lemons,
ask for Tequila and Salt and call me over!
I would rather have one rose and a kind word from a friend
than a whole truck load when I'm gone.
Happiness keeps You Sweet,
Trials keep You Strong,
Sorrows keep You Human,
Failures keeps You Humble,
Success keeps You Glowing,
God keeps You Going
Sunday, January 13, 2008
The guest this Sunday- Congresswoman and Presidential candidate Hillary Clinton.
I'm heading to the Urgent Care where I work for some IV fluids, some Phenergan or Zophran- (anti-Puking agents) and some Morphine to put me on the same plain as Democrats so I's can understand them.
If you are a Democrat I'm sorry- for you! You have been deluded and Dilaudid. The second choice is the best!!!!! In my Grandpa's day the GOP was all die hard Democrat and that was the party to be for. Whence came the swing? I know through past experiences that we have had slim pickens in past Presidential Elections- Hell Gerald Ford got in by default and played golf!
Uh- Gerald Ford- Hmmmmmmmm- I don't know what model Ford that is. Probably like the Pinto. Rear end it and it will blow up. Anyway I digress as we all seem to do when it comes to politics and religion.......
Vote your Heart but keep your hand on your arse! (Wallet or Purse) Either way the taxes and
giveaways are coming-----truer words were never spoken than
PORK: THE NEW WHITE CURRENCY- LET'S GIVE IT AND FREE MEDICAL AWAY TO PEOPLE WHO DON'T LIVE HERE LEGALLY!
OK-OK- that wasn't the commercial but you get my drift. i only hope and pray we survive this election as we have others over the years and the resil..reseil-- ability to bounce back & adapt of Americans continues to hold true! We are a great country. We should always be a great country. Like it or not we will always take care of all the world-
AHEM. ...... send me you poor , your tired, your weary, your broke ass poverty stricken Aids infested , bottom dwellers......sorry- again I digress, and we will feed, clothe, heal them & give them OUR jobs. (Basically it's because Americans are too damn lazy to work "menial jobs" but that's not the point!
What's the point- I don't know. I wrote it- YOU figure it out. I'm tired of doing all the work for yo sorry butt!
PS: See why I don't do Political?? I more comfortable in the realm of religion where you can argue ANYTHING and no one can ever REALLY dispute you or prove anything! Me likes FAITH!
It's so, so,-----INDIVIDUAL & COLLECTIVE at the same time!
Saturday, January 12, 2008
Q. I carry extra Batteries in my pocket. I also carry an extra 512 mb SD Memory card as well as the one in the Camera. Never know when you'll see a 200 lb Southern Wood Weasel.
Could carrying the batteries and the Memory Card in the same pocket cause problems with the Memory Card. I remember when old Memory Media was very sensitive if left near a hard drive etc.
NO COMMENTS ABOUT PROXIMITY OF POCKET AND POTENTIAL DRIVE J !!!!!!! LOL
Just curious, John
Seems like Batteries may be too weak, but being up against each other I just wondered?
Guess what next Post will contain?
Kitty Pictures, Southern Wood Weasel-----who knows! Only the Shadow- and he ain't talkin.
Friday, January 11, 2008
Why did the chicken cross the road?
DR. PHIL :
The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must
first deal with the problem on 'THIS' side of the road before it goes after
the problem on the 'OTHER SIDE' of the road. What we need to do is help him
realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his 'CURRENT' problems
before adding 'NEW' problems.
Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he
wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from
his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this
chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his
life like the rest of the chickens.
GEORGE W. BUSH :
We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We jus t want to
know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is
either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.
COLIN POWELL :
Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image
of the chicken crossing the road...
ANDERSON COOPER - CNN:
We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been
allowed to have access to the other side of the road.
JOHN KERRY :
Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it!
It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's
intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.
NANCY GRACE :
That chicken crossed the road because he's GUILTY! You can see it in his
eyes and the way he walks.
PAT BUCHANAN :
To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.
MARTHA STEWART : < BR>No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a
standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped
to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.
DR SEUSS :
Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the
chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.
ERNEST HEMINGWAY :
To die in the rain. Alone.
JERRY FALWELL :
Because the chicken was gay! Can't you people see the plain truth?'
That's why they call it the 'other side.' Yes, my friends, that chicken is
gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott
all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media white
washes with seemingly harmless phrases like 'the other side. That chicken
should not be crossing the road. It's as plain and as simple as that.
GRANDP A :
In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told
us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.
BARBARA WALTERS :
Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the
chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it
experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its life
long dream of crossing the road.
JOHN LENNON :
Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
BILL GATES :
I have just released eChicken2007, which will not only cross roads, but
will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your check book.
Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken. This new platform is much
more stable and will never cra...#@&&^(C% ........ reboot.
ALBERT EINSTEIN :
Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the
BILL CLINTON :
I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is your definition of
AL GORE :
I invented the chicken!
COLONEL SANDERS :
Did I miss one?
DICK CHENEY :
Where's my gun?
AL SHARPTON :
Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens.
I say I say I say there girl.....come on over to Big Daddy Rooster.....thas right..just cross on over and it will be Chicken DELIGHT Tonight! Laid and Paid thas what Pappy always said. Rub my leg and you can lay an EGG...ohhhhh the Yolks on you!
Well...... who came first? That's the real question we all want answered!!!!!
Sorry all- had to get the perversion out early in '08. We have a Republican & Democratic Primary coming up with full debates--this week and next.. and this States already screwed up enough without throwing all those Politicians in the mix! LOL!!! So, I'm gonna have to do some studying before I vote! I'm almost clueless this year and I usually have a pretty good feel for the candidates by now. Not so at this time. I may vote for Ron P. Huckaby McLain Clinton Obama Jr.
or John Kerry!!!! :-)
Sunday, January 6, 2008
TOP 10 THOUGHTS FOR 2008
Life is sexually transmitted
Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die
Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny.
If you see him without an erection, offer him a sandwich.
Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day.
Teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.
Some people are like a Slinky ... not really good for anything, but you still can't help
but smile when you push them down the stairs.
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
Why does a slight tax increase cost you $200.00 and a substantial tax cut saves you $0.30?
In the '60's, people took acid to make the world weird.
Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
AND THE NUMBER 1 THOUGHT FOR 2008:
We know exactly where one cow with Mad-cow-disease is located among the
millions and millions of cows in America , but we haven't got a clue as to
where thousands of illegal immigrants and terrorists are located. Maybe
we should put the Department of Agriculture in charge of immigration.
And the BONUS thought for today
Life is like a jar of jalapeños. What you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow'
Please see Hammers post of 7-31-07 for the correct pronunciation of Jalapenos. Sorry I don't have the friggin' tilda for the n-ya! Or is that Enya? Or is it in ya?- Men- you do NOT want to axe this question!
Thursday, January 3, 2008
Here are the rules:
Link to the person (Chrysalisangel.) Thanks for the TAG!!!!
Post the rules on your blog:- Here are the rules.
Share 7 random and/or weird facts about yourself on your blog.
Tag 7 random and or weird--no just random people at the end of your post and include links to their blogs.
Let each person know that they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.
1. I find it weird that this is the first time I've ever been tagged.
2. I find it weird that i before e except after c doesn't seem to apply to weird.
3. I've been told I've been weird all my life. Even by people I've just met. Weird huh?
4. I think really weird chit and do really weird things. I do the weird things for attention of course but I'm really more interested in seeing people's reactions to what I do. I went to our Mall and it had a Big plastic sign with the shapes of all the stores and the "you" are here arrow. It was plexiglass and very colorful. I just started hitting the stores that looked like The Starship Enterprise console yelling..."I'm giving her all I got Captain-----she's gonna blow!" In a really crappy Scotty's voice. My wife, sister and Brother in law walked away quickly. A small crowd gathered, then I just walked away.
5. I bore easily. Especially with a drill.
6. I probably should have looked up the definition of weird before I did this. It may have changed all my responses. If I can pick 7 people I will- if not I won't- I never want anyone to play along unless they want to since it's ""their""---wait look- more weirdness look at this word- THEIR- e before I again- what gives- this is weired! and that means the genius Einstein misspelled his name twice in just his last name alone! IENSTIEN???? I think not!!! I've never done a mime--I mean a Meme- I did a mime once. All I got was the silent treatment.
So if I can pick I will and I'd like to thank Chrysallis for tagging me because I honestly enjoyed this one!!!!
I'll work on the tags.
Wednesday, January 2, 2008
Some holiday advice I found that might come in handy:
To my friends who enjoy a glass of wine... and those who don't: As Ben Franklin said: "In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria." In a number of carefully controlled trials, scientists have demonstrated that if we drink 1 liter of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli, (E. coli) - bacteria found in feces. In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of poop. However, we do NOT run that risk when drinking wine & beer (or tequila, rum, whiskey or other liquor) because alcohol has to go through a purification process of boiling, filtering and/or fermenting. Remember: Water = Poop, Wine = Health. Therefore, it's better to drink wine and talk stupid, than to drink water and be full of crap.
There is no need to thank me for this valuable information. I'm doing it as a public service.