Friday, July 20, 2007

STALLING TACTICS- TO DUMB TO DO MEMES!

I made a promise in the throes of agony yesterday. I called in sick to work- (Once a year- and we still loose em if we don't take em!~)

Wait a minute- why is that- OK- you show up- On time, Sick or not- work- don't gripe, so let me reward you with ---- Nada!

OK-OK- here's an idea- once you get so many "DAYS"- OHHH- They are NOT sick days--just "Days" you can sell them at 90% if you keep a certain balance in the active and 20% in reserve.......

AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH BRAIN Tumor- Basilar Hemorrhage-- OK--NOW, NOW- I need the friggin days......What- Suzy's already out with Flesh Eating Bacteria...3rd time in a month..... OH..OK. Nevermind. But doesn't that just chap your ass- you give 110% and for those of us that do they always want a teensy bit more!! OK- Rant Over. I've been on the management side so I kinda understand that too- and Our NM as NM's Go is Awesome!!!

Back to the Promise--Oh and a cool segway- "Chap your ass"- sometimes you get to live out a saying!- Not worth it! - mine is- VERY- Chapped. See I called IN Sick- they call it "Calling Out" I still call it "Calling In" -somethings I'm not gonna budge on! So anyway, I get this horrific stomach bug that's lasted 3 days- it hurts to shine a flashlight on my butt and I have to sit in a bowl of Ice Cream after every round.

So in the midst of blowing all the water up out of the bowl onto my backside my wife says' In that voice that only a wife can use- 1/4 Question- 3/4 - COMMAND- "Are you going to feel like going to get Harry Potter tonight?"
Really proud of myself here---as my brain even in the midst of Oil Well pressure washing the bathroom --("END Stink" kicked in(sorry -that's for MG)corny factor)and I immediately translated the question as: - "You ARE going to fullfil your part of this marital bargain and know matter how you feel and even though you have to work 12-14 hours tomorrow stand in line with me at 12:01 tonight---until?"

Immediate answer- "Oh, yes baby I wouldn't miss it-it's tradition." Maybe I'll crap on Malfoy & Hufflepuff and we can go Slytherin out of there! So- here is an obligatory post of Yo Mamma jokes to tide me over till Sunday.

Oh yeah- when we call in - we have to try to get coverage for our own shifts. Or switch with somebody so you don't leave them short the day you are out! Yes--- I switched like good corporate robot and am working Saturday after standing in line at 12:01 Sat morning for Harry. I really don't mind standing in line. Then agin- I like """"Spider Bites"""" (gotta love those patients)----"MRSA" boils in my groin!

After all- it truly is tradition- family is first and foremost- and I Love my wife to put my sore hiney aside to make her happy!!! She's worth it you know! And this I truly mean.

Love to you all,

John


Yo momma so nasty I called her on the phone and she gave me an ear infection.

Yo momma so fat, the last time she saw 90210 was on the bathroom scale.

Yo momma so fat she walked in front of the tv and I missed 2 episodes.

Yo momma so fat she has a naked picture of Chef Boyardee in her wallet.

Yo momma is like a bus - she big, she don't smell so good, and it's only a dollar to ride.

Yo momma so fat she got baptized at Sea World.

Yo momma so dumb she stuck the phone up her ass and thought she was makin' a booty call.

Yo momma so fat you have to grease the door frame and hold a twinkie on the other side just to get her through.

Yo momma so fat she got more chins than a Chinese phonebook

Yo momma so fat her ass looks like two pigs fightin over milk duds.

You might be tough, but you'll never be half the man yo momma was!

And last but not least………

Yo momma so fat she got busted in the airport for having 200 pounds of crack under her dress.

PLEASE- ADD AS MANY AS YOU DON'T SEE LISTED AS I COLLECT THESE ---OH AND ALSO ANY GOOD CANNIBAL JOKES....